But what if you're not?
So how and when did it all start?
Before we were married, naturally Tim and I had conversations about the possibility of kids. Even then we never said "never" - always left it open as a possibility in the future. As time progressed we thought more about it, and "Never say never" turned into "Someday it might be nice", which later morphed into "sometime within the next couple of years" until we finally got to "Ok - let's do it. when should we start?".
Perhaps the latter stages of that evolution were helped along by watching our friends Debra and Chris with their new baby ;-)
At any rate, we decided we would, and it came down to when.
Now - I'm not one to leave things entirely to chance. I'll take calculated risks, and I like being surprised. But I also like to stack the odds in my favour. Luck and fate are only part of the equation. I believe I need to do my part too. The more informed you are the better prepared you are. The more planning you do, the better chance you have of succeeding. This comes as no surprise to most of you, I am sure. I am who I am :-)
So, naturally, I started with some research. webmd.com has an actual whole site devoted to fertility and was a primary source of information. I learned all about Basal Body Temperatures, and fertility problems, and statistics, and liklihood of conceiving each month, and the age factor, and anovulation, etc. I learned all of the "lingo": TTC = "Trying To Conceive"; "BMS" = "Baby Making Sex"; and there are plenty more where those come from. I armed myself with information, an ovulation predictor kit, a basal thermometer, and built a very nicely formatted excel spreadsheet for tracking temperatures and ovulation test results :-). You know I did!
Our first conversation after the "let's have a baby, when should we start" and the completion of all of my research went something like this:
Tim: We should make sure we're in the new house before the baby is born.
Me: Agree.
Tim: So that's what... next July?
Me: (looking at George's very detailed schedule) Yup, around then.
Tim: We should leave ourselves some buffer room.
Me: Absolutely. So - the way I figure it, we should start trying now.
Tim: That doesn't leave us much buffer room.
Me: Well, I've been doing research (I have to give Tim credit here - he didn't crack up at these words :-)) and everything I'm reading says it takes the average couple 3-5 months to actually conceive. And each month you really only have on average a 20% chance of getting pregnant. And I am 33 - turning 34 this year. So it could take a little longer. And sometimes after stopping birth control, it can take the average woman a couple of months to get her cycle back into gear and even start ovulating again. And I mentioned that I'm 33 right. So I'd be giving birth when I'm 34. And that's one year less than 35, which is the "magic number" when it comes to fertility, conception, and pregnancy complications.
Tim: (still alert and sincerely listening to my every word and not cracking up) Yes, but all of that talks about averages, and I'm thinking that you might not be "average".
Me: That's very sweet babe :-) But what if I am?
Tim: But what if you're not?
Me: But what if I am?
Tim: But what if you're not?
[Tim's better at that game than me. So after a couple more feeble attempts I finally stopped]
Me: But I'm getting older. And like I said, at age 35, the chances drop considerably, and then the risk of birth defects and complications during pregnancy rise dramatically (I know my stats. I did research, remember?).
Tim: But what if you get pregnant right away?
Me: The odds are against it.
Tim: We just need to be sure.
Me: You're right. Sigh. ok.
So - a few days later, I'm chatting with my sister in IM. I had left her a blog comment previously that alluded to the possibility that some day Tim and I might have a child. I think something along the lines of "Well when we have a kid we're going to do x, y and z differently. That's for sure". My sister, of course, zeroed right in on that and the very next time she saw me online, made sure to ask about it.
That conversation went something like this:
Sarah: So... what did you mean by the comment in my blog?
Me: Oh... heh. Well, Tim and I are thinking about having a baby.
Sarah: Woohoo! I knew it!
Me: Yeah - well, we're trying to figure out when it is safe to start, given that we don't have the room right now and need to make sure we're in our new house.
Sarah: Makes sense.
Me: Except I've been doing the research and [I regurgitate the facts and statistics and figures that I had previously spewed to tim; followed by tim's reasoning that we shouldn't count on me being "average"]
Sarah: You know, Tim has a good point.
Me: But what if he's wrong?
Sarah: But what if he's not?
Me: But what if it's too late or what if something goes wrong?
Sarah: Well... Mom is the oldest of 6. Dad's the youngest of 10. Both Grandmas were having strong healthy kids for a good long time. And when Mom was pregnant with me she had brain surgery and some pretty heavy duty drugs coursing through her system, and I still came out just fine. I'm thinking that fertility and complications shouldn't be as big a concern for you and Tim. You've got genetics on your side.
Me: true. (She is the life sciences major. And she is smarter than me in general.)
So that's where we left it. For a little while. But I still want to figure out a "start date". Because I'm a romantic. What can I say? So the next conversation Tim and I have goes something like this
Me: Well, I figure if we aim for August as the earliest that we can have a baby be born, then I figure the soonest we can start trying is November. That's 9 months. So even if I get pregnant right away, we should be in our new house by then.
Tim: True. It's still cutting it a bit close; what if the schedule slips?
Me: This will be added incentive for it not to! (my finely honed PM skills, intuition, and experience having obviously abandoned me at this point)
Tim: Ok... (still not entirely convinced)
Me: Ok - how about this. If Kerry wins the election, how about we celebrate by starting Nov 2nd?
Tim: Hehe. But if he doesn't win there is no way I want our baby conceived on the night that Bush wins his 2nd term in office.
Me: Absolutely agree. That would be very bad karma.
Suffice it to say our child was not conceived when Bush got re-elected. And also to say that both Tim and my sister were right in the end. When we did start trying, I got pregnant right away :-). Whether that's genes, or my astute planning and research, or a bit of both plus a lot of luck, who knows or really cares :-). George our builder says he works well under pressure, so I am quite confident that we will be moved into our house by the estimated due date. Of course, whether the baby decides to wait till then is entirely up to him or her. We do have a bit of buffer time though :-) Guess we'll just wait and see how it all works out!
Comments
It's good to be the king ... errrr ... dead on right ;-)
Posted by Timothy on February 1, 2005 9:03 PM.