Entering the "No Fly Zone"...
I don't know what it is about being pregnant that makes people feel like they can infringe on your personal space and your personal life in a manner that otherwise wouldn't occur to them.
I was in a little grocery store outside of our neighbourhood today. I am not a frequent flyer there, the way I am at our local QFC. In fact, I haven't been to this particular grocery store in well over a year. I certainly do not know or recognize anyone, nor is there any way they know or recognize me. At our local QFC everyone knows Tim and I both by face and in many cases by name, and they chit chat with us while ringing up our groceries. They all know I'm pregnant because we joyously spread the news at every opportunity we could when we first found out. So when the local QFC cashier asks me "how are you feeling these days?" or "did you find out if it was a boy or a girl yet?" or "do you have any names" or any of the other usual questions one gets, we happily respond. I'm pregnant! And we're excited! We're pretty much happy to chat with anyone who will listen or opens the door on the subject ;-).
But there is still a line. And most folks, even co-workers, casual aquantances, and the QFC cashiers at our local grocery store, know where it is.
So I was somewhat dumbfounded today when I was standing in the checkout line of this other store where I don't know anyone and, as I stepped up with my basket of groceries and set them on the counter, the cashier immediately followed his required "did you find everything ok today?" with a "So... how far along are you anyway?"
Yes, I am at the point where I look pregnant now. But most respectful people who weren't actually told I was pregnant, would normally be a little hesitant and unwilling to outright ask just in case they were wrong and I'm just getting fat or suffering some illness or something. I mean - you never really know, unless you've been told :-). But, as I said - I am at the point where I look pregnant now, so I actually thought the question wasn't a big deal. Slightly outside of "polite" boundaries, and a little surprising, but no biggie. Hell - I'm not trying to hide it... I'm proud of it! So I smiled and said "just over 28 weeks".
"Ah." was his reply. And then I could see (and I swear I could hear) him calculating out my due date (why he just didn't ask "When are you due" in the first place - I mean since he was bent on going there anyway, that would have been the most useful and direct question to ask for him to get the information he was seeking). "So that means you're due in... uh... um..."
"August", I finished for him.
"August what? My wife is due in August. August 15th. Or 13th. Or 10th. Or something like that" (Wow... what a keeper this guy is. His wife must feel so lucky).
"August 3rd", I reply.
"Do you know the gender?" he asks.
"It's a girl. And yours?" I ask, being polite.
"A boy. But I didn't want to find out. But we had to. If you know what I mean. You know... the tests and stuff".
"Ah" I say. I'm thinking he's about to give me more information than I really need and am hoping he finishes ringing my groceries soon.
And then... "How old are you?" he asks.
Excuse me? Huh? What? Uh... well hell, now I just want to see how far this is gonna go.
"34".
"Ah. My wife is 35. So they wanted her to have all the tests, you know, for Down's Syndrome, and stuff. I didn't want her to. But she wanted to do it. The amnio and everything. I mean - what are you going to do if you know? It's not like you're going to get an abortion. I mean - that's it, you know? What's knowing going to give you except 6 months of stress?"
"well, it depends on the person I think", I reply. "For some people, not knowing for 6 months might be more stressful. Maybe this way she feels like she'll be more prepared if she knows in advance" (geez dude, she's your wife... don't you know why she wanted the tests?).
"Did you have any of the tests?"
Wow... he's going for it. What the hell.
"Well... my husband and I discussed it, and we decided to do only the non-invasive tests that didn't pose any risk to the baby".
"Well it's not even about the risk to the baby... I mean - what are you going to do if you know? I just don't get it." he said shaking his head.
Clearly.
Thankfully the conversation was ended at this point by the cash register spitting out my grocery receipt. I promptly grabbed it and stuffed it in my wallet and said thank you. "Good luck to you" I think he said as I was walking out the door.
Wacky.
So then on a completely separate topic, I was perusing the news and came across the following article. I remember hearing about it on the radio on my drive home from work during the week. But the parallels between the incident in this article and my little story above (albeit, forced parallels from my twisted brain) caused me to giggle.
Actual article: 2 men arrested after plane scare at White House, Capitol (CBC News)
Ok - so read that article, and then read my version below as it relates to my grocery store encounter:
Man arrested after Peppering Pregnant Woman with Personal Questions in Grocery Store
LYNNWOOD - The cashier at a small grocery chain is in custody after straying into restricted personal space with a pregnant customer, causing the evacuation of the store and surroundng parking lot around 5pm on Saturday.
TV reports show a man dressed in a T-shirt and slacks in handcuffs being put into a police car after the pregnant woman was forced to beat him off with the baguette she was there to purchase.
At a press briefing later, officials said the cashier had been pestering the pregnant woman with questions about her due date, her baby's gender, her own age, and whether or not she had an Amniocentesis done to test for Down's Syndrome.
Two store security offers were dispatched to intercept the cashier as soon as they had been alerted to the line of questioning. They fired four warning shots.
The cashier did not respond to efforts to communicate with him.
"This appeared to be a socially inept cashier" said the Lynnwood Police Chief.
One report has identified the cashier as a nervous father-to-be himself.
"We have to remember we are a nation of clueless Americans and there are people who will take offense to a direct line of questioning like this and see it as none of anyone's business", said the Chief. "Incidentally, the pregnant woman was Canadian. And we know Canadians are generally more polite than us Americans. It's no wonder she reacted the way she did".
CNN reports that after the shots were fired, and the pregnant woman let loose on the cashier with her baguette, that security officers had yelled at grocery store staff and reporters to "run, this is no joke, leave the grounds."
Staff were allowed to return to their cash registers 15 minutes later.
What can I say... I just couldn't resist ;-)
Comments
So when exactly was the date of conception? Where were you? What worked best for you? Why do you want a baby? What's your political affiliation? What kind of car do you drive? What kind of mileage does it get? Where do you live?
Posted by gracie on May 15, 2005 9:04 AM.It would be hard, but next time you should just say "No." right off the bat. No, you're not pregnant. I'd be curious to hear what kind of back pedalling, if any, would ensue. I really don't get why it's okay to ask someone personal details about their pregnancy, and not about, say, their goiter.*
Posted by Sarah on May 16, 2005 5:57 PM.Not that I have any direct experience with this, obviously, but apparently, your pregnancy gives everyone else licence to have an opinion about raising children, overpopulation, birth control, medication during delivery, teratogens, birth defects, circumcision (male or female), body image, prenatal diabetes, the Atkins diet, stirrup pants (okay, maybe opinions about stirrup pants are entitled), and breastfeeding. It seems to be assumed that upon conception the pregnant woman is no longer entitled to an opinion of her own, and dare she utter one, it must be construed as wrong, ill-advised, an uneducated.
Mr Grocery Cashier is probably Mr Grocery Cashier for a reason. With any luck, his baby momma will recognise this fact as well, and raise a perfectly happy, well adjusted, adored baby regardless of any test results. I have every confidence that you will, too. :)
xox
*Auntie Sarah is not equating baby girl with an iodine deficiency, she is merely illustrating the point that some people can be very insensitive. And that it's important to have a well-balanced diet.