Bringing Up Bobbin

Toddler Academia

Our Lady of Lourdes School
November 18, 1975

Dear Parents:

Enclosed is the original copy of your child's fall progress report, as well as an interview schedule for interviews to be held either Monday evening, November 24th or Wednesday evening, November 26th.

We have made some brief changes in the evaluation scheme of the report in order to help you to have a better idea of the progress that your child is making. I will clarify further by expanding upon the designations:

VG - Very good signifies that your child is doing outstanding work in that area. Your child is therefore putting in that extra ounce of effort into his/her work

G - Good - your child is progressing well, certainly above the satisfactory level. He/she is grasping the concepts well and is applying himself/herself.

S - Satisfactory - your child is doing satisfactory work. There may be difficulties, however he/she is overcoming them.

IN - Improvement needed. Improvement is needed to at least make the work satisfactory. There are definitely difficulties.

U - Unsatisfactory....it speaks for itself.

This is the letter that is attached to the front of my fall progress report for my Kingergarten year. It goes on to explain that the parent will "probably find mostly 'G's and 'S's with the possibility of some 'IN's if there are difficulties. The 'VG' and 'U' (at opposite ends of the scale) will appear infrequently. Not too many pupils deserve these ratings, unless, as I mention above, the work is exceptionally good or exceptionally bad. In all probability, very few 'U's will be used but it is there for our use if we need it."

I've been having a few email discussions about Kindergarten with some friends (thankfully they have to deal with this before we do, and so we'll be reaping the benefits of their experience ;-)) and it dredged up memories of my own Kindergarten (and pre-kindergarten... or "nursery school" as I believe we referred to it) days and I just couldn't resist rummaging around in my closet and digging up the folder containing all (and I do mean ALL!) of my old report cards from my elementary and high school career that my Dad had sent me about a year ago.

In reading through my first Kindergarten progress report - the one above dated November 18, 1975, it struck me that some of what was about me and observed about me in that report actually still holds true today. I was great in "math" then and I've been great in math throughout my entire educational career. I still love math today. Have I always loved math and chosen it over more physical pursuits because my Kindergarten teacher saw an ability, really encouraged it, and that encouragement made me feel confident and provided me with a comfort zone that I then continued to develop and grow on my own? Or did I shun physical activity and do poorly in it later because early childhood teachers identified a lack of coordination or skill in me and did nothing to try and draw me into it further? Was my love for and success in math something that was destined to happen regardless of how my Kindergarten and first grade teachers evaluated my competency because math is just hard-wired in me, and is the natural way I think about things? Am I impatient now because my Kindergarten teacher said that I was performing puzzle activities and detail detection at a slower pace than average? Or was my "pace" back then actually a manifestation of my desire to really make sure I had the full picture and was completely confident in my understanding of the details before moving on? Both are characteristics I have today. Would a slightly different interpretation or assumption about my focus on details in Kindergarten influenced me in such a way that I would be more patient with details or more confident in my ability to assess a situation without having to have all the facts?

And what is the cumulative effect? I switched schools about every 2-3 years on average. But had I stayed in the same school from K - 8 with most of the same friends, and establishing a history with the staff and continuity in progress reports from year to year what would that have changed, if anything? But then that gets into a much more ambiguous question because as I got older the group of friends that I was maintaining from year to year would have more and more influence over how my personality and perferences evolved.

In the end it's just another facet of the nature versus nurture question. How much of who I am today was determined by my genetics, my wiring, my true personality; and how much of who I am today was determined by what my teachers and other people said about me. As wikipedia phrases it, "Although 'nurture' has historically been referred to as the care given to children by the parents, with the mother playing a role of particular importance, this term is now regarded by some as any environmental (not genetic) factor in the contemporary nature versus nurture debate. Thus the definition of "nurture" has been expanded in order to include the influences on development arising from prenatal, parental, extended family and peer experiences, extending to influences such as media, marketing and socio-economic status. Indeed, a substantial source of environmental input to human nature may arise from stochastic variations in prenatal development."

There's tonnes of information and ways to slice the data on the relationship between child's education quality, life opportunities, family socioeconomic status, ethnicity, etc. But I'm more interested in how the core traits of my personality and my skills today may have been shaped by what early childhood teachers determined about my abilities and personality back then and how that might have influenced my choices and preferences, my skills and abilities, and ultimately where I ended up.

And of course, I have the same questions about Bobbin. Bobbin is smart. Extremely so. I like to think that she was born smart, and we just helped the smart come out (with grammar usage like that, how could you not agree?). But her current day care has been a huge influence too. It has to be. She spends 8 hours a day there, 5 days a week and has since she was 4 months old. So they are doing a lot to help her be realizing her potential too (there. that sounds much better, doesn't it? ;-)). I did a lot of research into our daycare when I was pregnant. I visited about a dozen and phone screened about another handful. I looked at nannies, in-home day care, national day cares, accredited curriculums, montessori curriculums, facilities with 1:3 ratios, 1:4 ratios, expensive day cares and average priced day cares. In the end I chose the place where I was most comfortable with the security, the staff personalities, the level of interaction, the variety of activity, and the proximity to home and work.

There are other things that have shaped Bobbin into who she is now and what she's capable of. I have a great job that I love, and that is supportive in terms of compensation, benefits, and work/life balance (most of the time). This means that the time I spend with Bobbin is predictable, and not filled with the stresses that might come with a job that is not steady or less supportive or requiring more of my time or that I have less flexibility with. How would the time I spend with Bobbin be different if, for example, I had the added background stress of wondering when I'd have the money to buy the diapers and wipes the daycare is hounding me for and worrying that at some point they'd just decide to reject her for lack of supplies; or the background stress of having to work 12 hour shifts; or the stress of wondering whether I was going to be fired for showing up 15-30 minutes late on a recurring basis in the morning? I might be more rushed with her. Less patient. We might have more fights. She might end up in more time outs. I might end up in more tears. I might opt to spend less time with her in the mornings, dropping her off at daycare even earlier to ensure I got to work on time. Or the responsibility of drop off might fall entirely to Tim. And how would that change our relationship, and his own work situation? On the other hand maybe I'd instill a better sense of time in her and she'd be less apt to dawdle as much as she does because I'd be forced to get into more of a rhythm with her. Or she might dawdle more out of defiance and desire for attention. She might develop an earlier respect for schedules and commitments. Or she might end up being late to everything. Or it might not make any difference at all. because I'd end up doing other things differently to balance it out. Or maybe it wouldn't make a difference because ultimately those things don't matter as much as some of the real basics do like the fundamental and basic love a parent has for his or her child.

Nature versus Nurture. It's a great complex mystery.

Um... yeah... so Good Luck, D&C, with the whole Kindergarten thing! We'll be right behind ya (well, a year behind ya :-)

Oh... and cause I know you were all wondering, here is what my First Term Kindergarten report card looked like. I think the best thing about reading this is the list of the various skills and abilities against which I am evaluated. It's a hoot :-) It's also interesting that my 2nd term report card had more 'G's than 'VG's and even a couple of 'S's. My favourite comment from that one was "Heather can be hasty and produce work at a lower calibre; however she does try when it is brought to her attention". Maybe I was bored since I apparently nailed the first term. Or maybe I was more comfortable and felt less of a need to please. Or maybe I was more challenged with the 2nd term concepts. It was Kindergarten; who the hell knows and cares? :-) But here's another one from that same report card that some of you might find insightful: "Heather is developing a good sense of independence and does not need my constant reassurance; she seems to have a more positive attitude toward herself". The emphasis on constant was the teacher's, not mine. Apparently this had been a problem previously :-) For those of you who know me well you can now stop wondering. I've always been that way. That one is hard wired.

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