Don't be taking that tone with me
Bobbin has a couple of friends that are a bit more defiant, demanding, and bossy in their verbal expression than she has been up to now. We've successfully navigated through the "whiny" waters with Bobbin but now find ourselves wading knee deep through the confrontational, demanding and bossy tones of voice that Bobbin's started imitating and experimenting with us.
The "whiny" period was thankfully short lived. Because that whining tone is really grating on my nerves and pushes all of my buttons. We managed to get through it with daily repetition of "no whiny voice please; try that again with a normal voice" and me demonstrating the difference between a whiny and normal voice
Mommy: Bobbin, do you understand what a whiny voice is?
Bobbin: You know? (her response to just about every question even when she knows the answer)
Mommy: Let me show you. I'll talk in a whiny voice, and then I'll talk in a normal voice.
Mommy (whining): I don't WANT to wash my hands. I don't LIKE green beans. No, I don't WANT to go to bed". That was my whiny voice.
Mommy (normal): I don't want to wash my hands. I don't like green beens. I don't want to go to bed". That was my normal voice.
Mommy (whining): THIS is WHYyyyyy-ning. It's reeeeeaaaaalllllly annOYing, I don't LIKE WHYyyyyy-ning.
Mommy (normal): this is my normal voice. It's much more pleasant. It's not annoying. I like this kind of voice. Do you understand the difference now?
Bobbin: Yup.
Mommy: So what voice should you use to tell mommy what you like or what you're feeling or to have a conversation?
Bobbin: You know?
Mommy: Should you use your whiny voice?
Bobbin: (with glee and excitement) NO!
Mommy: Which voice should you use?
Bobbin: My normal voice. Like this. See? Mommy? Is this my normal voice? Mommy, you happy now? You not frustrated anymore? I'm not whining. I'm talking wif a NORMAL voice! See!
Often times these conversations. - these little "reinforcements" of the behaviour that I'm trying to teach her - take place while she's sitting on the potty. Because she's a captive audience. I'll usually start off "Hey Bobbin, remember when.." like "Remember when Mommy was really frustrated because you were trying to climb the bookcase, and I told you the bookcase was not made for climbing on and asked you to get off, but you kept climbing and didn't listen to mommy?" and we'll talk about what happened, and why I was angry, and why it was not ok that she had been doing that, and then not ok that she didn't listen and do as I ask, and then why she found herself in a timeout in her room until she could start listening and doing as I ask, etc. Seems to work pretty well.
So yeah... no more whinies (or at least they are now a rare occurance) but the whole demanding and bossy tone is new. And sudden. And it's definitely learned behaviour. And we're trying to nip that in the bud. Kinda taking the same tact as we did with the whinies. But it's harder because it means biting back the initial instinct to use the same demanding tone of voice to get her to stop using it with me. Because she is clever enough to use it against me. And has.
Bobbin: I WANT COOKIE OF THE DAY COOKIES!
Bobbin: COOKIE OF THE DAY COOKIES! NOW! MOMMY! GET MY COOKIES!
Mommy: How do you ask?
Bobbin: PEAS! GET THEM NOW. I WANT THEM NOW. (her hand slaps the ottoman for emphasis).
Mommy: It's good you remembered your please. But I don't like your tone of voice. You need to use your nice voice to ask.
Bobbin: NO! I DON'T NEED TO! I DON'T LIKE THAT! I WANT IT
Mommy: NO! NOT UNTIL YOU ASK IN YOUR NICE VOICE
Bobbin: Mommy, that is not your nice voice, Mommy. That's not ok.
$%#$^&! And double #$(O%)#!
Mommy: You're right. So let me say it again in my nice voice. No. You cannot have any cookies. I don't like your tone of voice. It is rude and disrespectful and makes me feel angry.
Bobbin: Mommy. Ok. I'm using a nice voice now. Peas, can I have cookies?
Mommy: I'm sorry. It's too late. Next time you want something try asking in your nice voice the first time, and maybe you will find that you'll have a better chance of getting what you are asking for.
Sometimes she accepts that and moves on. But most of the time she throws herself on the floor and has herself a nice little teary-eyed, fist pumping, leg waving, howling tantrum first. But I ain't budgin'. No cookies for you, kiddo. Not even if you use your nice voice now.
I hate feeling like the mean Grinch who stole Christmas but the alternative is much much worse. And I've watched enough Nanny 911 episodes to know that to be the truth.
The bossiness is new too. She's tried several times to order us around like we're her hired help. Or not even. "Go get me the monkey plate. I want more water now. GET my water. Turn on Nemo. I want to play dough - YOU go get it". And let me tell you, none of this is flyin' with us either.
It's all part of the age, and she'll learn. Just like she did with the whining. And just like she learned to say please and thank you without prompting (80% of the time, anyway). And just like she learned to help clean up after herself. And just like she learned how to use the potty all the time. It'll all come. But that doesn't mean I have to like it while we're still going through it :-)
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