Insomnia rears its ugly head yet again
Recent weeks I've started having increased difficulty sleeping so last week my doctor prescribed a sleep aid since it worked so well last time I had this problem.
It is working great this time too. At least in terms of helping me fall asleep initially. And if it happens to be a night uninterrupted by Tim's snoring or Bobbin's need to go potty at 3am, I actually stay asleep the entire night and wake fairly rested around 6 or 7am. More often than not though, one or both of these interruptions occur and once I'm awake I'm unable to fall back to sleep, despite my ambien-heavy eyelids and fuzzy brain. My mind just starts going over the problems that I had deferred by taking the ambien to get to sleep the first time, and there's no getting me back to sleep the second time.
I have 2 problems at work that I'm feeling some angst over. Neither of them are ones I'll discuss here. Those are usually the things my mind wanders to and starts churning over when I'm awake.
Other stuff will pop up too - like what's behind Bobbin's acting out at school lately - is she just testing the boundaries as any 3 year old is wont to do? Is she just honing her manipulation skills? is it a cry for attention? If the latter, my mind starts racing about how I might have been inattentive. Or is it a way of her acting out her anger at my schedule? It's the same schedule I've been keeping for several months now but she seems more upset by the prospect of being picked up by Tim on Mon and Wed than she had been in the past (until he actually picks her up; then she's fine). This train of thought causes my mind to start racing through all the guilt channels - should I be working full time; is that the right option for Bobbin despite the fact that it is the only option for us as a family from a financial perspective. Is it the recent unpredictability in the morning at school as to whose classroom she's going to end up in? Is it angst over some of the ways in which she's leaving babyhood and toddlerhood behind for good and she's not sure she wants to let go of some of those things? She's been focused a lot on turning 3 in August, what it means to be 3 - giving up her bottle; eventually moving to the big preschool class. She's completely out of pullups including night time, the latter being true for the last 3 weeks. The first two weeks she was in underpants she stayed completely dry through to morning, as she had for the months before while she was still wearing a pullup to bed "just in case". For months now she's always woken up to go pee even in the middle of the night. But in the last 6 days she's had two nighttime accidents and I'm not sure if I need to be worried about that - if she's going through something - or if they are just cases where she literally slept through the signals because she was too tired. Today for example she didn't nap at school.
Tonight it was a potty accident that got me (and Tim) out of bed. I got Bobbin changed and comforted while Tim changed her bed, and now everyone is sleeping soundly and snoring happily. Except me. To be fair, I don't think it 's the snoring alone on this night that is keeping me from falling back to sleep. My mind is racing with all of the above. But regardless, it appears that Ambien only has one kick to get me to sleep initially, and I'm on my own if for some reason I'm awakened before my time.
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