Hedging their bets
Presidential election season always brings a new set of searchers to my corner of the internet. Where a few months ago, the top searches that brought people to our virtual doorstep here at timothyandheather.com were things like:
- Wedding Limericks
- bridesmaids dresses
- Pregnancy
- Ultrasound
- Marmoleum
- Silestone
and so many more baby, wedding, and house building / interior decorating seekers, this month I'm finding a lot more people looking for stuff like
- Marry a Canadian
- Overstressed mom
- Can't get enough air in my lungs
- pain between my shoulder blades
- is my lung collapsed
- Blocked salivary glands
- sublingual gland swelling
- salivary gland milking
- infected salivery gland
- Insomnia Random Itching
- Toothache when I bite cold or hot food
- Bacteria invade dentinal tubual
- I am bringing up yellow acid
- unable to regulate my body temperature
I feel compelled to offer my expert analysis - on the searchers, not on me. Because clearly if they are searching for this icky stuff on the internet and they are arriving here, I have a few problems of my own going on.
So here it is:
1) The economy sucks. Who can afford to build, let alone redecorate a house, get married anywhere other than the county courthouse, or buy paper to write fancy limericks on. :-)
2) The politics is wearing on everyone. It's stressing people out. Stress manifests itself in physical ways. People are getting sick. Panic attacks; trouble breathing; trouble sleeping; trouble keeping stomach acid down; trouble taking care of their oral hygiene because they're too depressed to care; Depression and also depression medication is also one cause of blocked salivary ducts (I learned in my research) so more people are getting depressed and/or getting on depression meds. Woe is the world. Or they are just becoming hypocondriacs because their stressed and emotional minds would rather deal with a problem that is entirely of their own making and fixing than something completely outside of their control.
3) And, if all hell goes to a handbasket (Wait... that's not right, is it? You know what I mean.. oh yeah... if all goes to hell in a handbasket is what I meant to say) and McCain gets elected, there appear to be an awful lot of Americans out there lookin' to make a fast break up to Canada through marriage. Lucky for Tim he's already got me. We're set ;-)
Either way - happy to be of service to those internet searchers out there. I have had some rather unpleasant glandular fun over the years that you might find informative, as have my bouts with insomnia, stress, anxiety and depression. However most of my Canadian friends are married or engaged though so I won't be able hook any'ya up that are looking to move north come November. But keep on lookin'. There are plenty up there.
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