A good first day; but anxiety sets in after the fact
Big Girl Preschool was a hit. Bobbin and I spent the entire morning there from 8:30am - 12:15pm. She did GREAT. She participated in the class, ran and had fun, played with other kids, interacted with the teacher, and enthusiastically proclaimed several times "I LIKE THIS PRESCHOOL! IT'S FUN! I WANT TO GO AGAIN!"
All afternoon she spent re-enacting her day at Big Girl Preschool. All of her stuffed toys assumed the names of the kids that are in her class. She became "Miss Trimm", which is the name of my own kindergarten teacher. For some reason Bobbin's latched onto "Miss Trimm", perhaps because she identified with the stories I told her of how I felt shy and nervous when I went to Kindergarten for the first time but then my teacher Miss Trimm turned out to be really nice and I had a lot of fun in her class. So she becomes "Miss Trimm" now. I am a student, as are all of her stuffed toys. Bobbin lined us up to go outside. She made us wash our hands when we were inside. She gave us each a puzzle to play with (yes, she has that many puzzles; this girl loves puzzles). We had circle time. Then she would turn from "Miss Trimm" into "Mommy" or "Daddy" and come pick me up and take me home from school. And then we'd start all over again.
Yup, all afternoon and into the evening she was replaying the day in her mind and out loud. She liked Big Girl Preschool. She liked the teacher. She liked the class. She had fun. She wants to go again. I read three books to her, one of which was called "My Preschool" and she loved it. She kissed me goodnight without a fuss. I went to exercise.
And then, about 30 minutes later, all hell broke loose. I ended up having to come upstairs when I got to the 30 minute mark to help calm her down. She was in hysterics. She had all kinds of disjointed thoughts in her head; she wants me to know she loves me and so she doesn't want to let anyone else help her or love her. As if loving me meant there was nothing else left to go around. It was really quite heart wrenching. I explained to her that the special thing about love is that the more people you love, the more love you have to give. In the end I think she is anxious because tomorrow she goes to Big Girl Preschool without Mommy. Tomorrow is Tim's turn to take her. And she just needs to get through it to know that it's going to be ok. It breaks my heart though to see her in such clear turmoil. The conversation about love was really unexpected. I have no idea where she got the idea in her head that I wouldn't know that she loves me if I'm not with her. Am I to blame for that? Is there something I should have or shouldn't have done that causes her to think this way? I don't know.
On the plus side - her enthusiasm for her new preschool was real and genuine. I honestly believe once we get through the challenge of transition and she starts to build relationships and trust with her teachers and other kids, that this will end up being better for her than her last school. I already see some signs. I just want it to not be so painful for her. But I guess I can't shield her from pain forever, and trying to do so would only end up making things worse. I just have to trust that she'll work through this and that we're doing the right things in how we're supporting her through this. It's still very hard.
Comments
Ugh. I feel your pain in trying to shield Bobbin from pain.
Funny thing about kids and love, they need to know that they are loved unconditionally...and we teach them that they are...and when love goes around, it comes around.
...now who is really doing the teaching?
Posted by Lisa on September 17, 2008 6:09 AM.