Remember that time when...

Dear Mom,

Remember back in Germany, when I was turning 6 or 7 (before Sarah was born, I'm sure about that), I had a birthday party and invited all my friends over. We all wore our long dresses 'cause that was the thing for little girls to do back in 76/77. I was REALLY into barbies at the time. And pretty, shimmery, sparkly barbie clothes.

You and Dad had come up with a bunch of games for us to play at my party - stuff like pick-up-sticks and Snakes and Ladders (that's "Chutes and Ladders" to my fellow Americans. What, you all afraid of snakes down here or something? Bunch of sissies :-)).

And Mom, you had gone out and bought a bunch of prizes. Enough for all the guests at the party to get one, whether they "won" a game or not. You put them all in a plastic bag, and then would let the "1st", "2nd", "3rd" etc. winner stick their hand in the bag with their eyes closed to pick out a prize.

You showed me the prizes before the party. Or maybe I stumbled upon them myself. I don't remember exactly. But I DO remember deciding that the beautiful bright yellow polyester and chiffon-y 70's style one piece barbie halter top pantsuit trimmed in gold and with a matching cape was TO DIE FOR. I wanted it. Had to have it.

Well, At some point it was my turn to pick a prize. I scrounged around for the thing that felt most like the barbie outfit still in its flat package. I don't remember what it is I actually ended up pulling out, but I do remember it was NOT the bright yellow polyester and chiffon-y one piece barbie halter top pantsuit trimmed in gold.

I had a HUGE fit. I cried and stomped my feet and yelled NOT FAIR. Totally embarassed myself in front of my friends, I'm sure. Thankfully those were the days when parents would drop their kids off at the party and then run, so YOU weren't quite as embarassed. You sent me to my room in the middle of my party. You explained how it was my party and I had a lot of wonderful presents that my friends had brought me, and that I was acting spoiled throwing such a fit over a barbie outfit, ruining everyone's good time, and thinking only of myself. And, the kicker, was you telling me that there were in fact TWO such pantsuits to be won, but because of the way I had just acted, I was getting neither. I think I yelled and cried NOT FAIR even harder. You made me stay in my room until I had calmed down. Luckily I did so before the party ended.

Yeah... so anyway, if you went to bed that night totally exasperated and silently wished that I would grow up and have a daughter of my own that would behave in exactly the same way, I just wanted to let you know YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED.

And I want to say I'm sorry for every act of spoiled rotten behaviour I ever exhibited.

And I want to ask you to go to bed tonight and silently rescind your wish. I have now, finally, learned my lesson. No need for this to continue. I get it. It sucks. So can I have a polite daughter now?

All my sincerest love,
Your (now) sweet and well mannered, thoughtful and empathetic daughter,
Heather

P.S. Here's the story that spawned this note :-)

Previously, you will recall that I crocheted my beloved Bobbin a new dress for her baby doll. Setting a good example, was I? Let me tell you what happened.

I finished the dress after she went to bed. She knew I was making it and had been begging me to be finished with it so she could put it on her baby doll. And so after I finished it, I went into her room while she was sleeping, got one of her baby dolls and put the dress on it, and left it in the corner of her bed next to the pillow.

In the morning she woke up and came into our room, as she does often these days. And I asked her if she had seen her surprise. She ran back into the room to look on her bed. I still had the baby monitor on. I heard a crash, thump thump thump, and then her yelling "I DIDN'T WANT IT ON THIS DOLLY. I WANTED IT ON MY OTHER DOLLY. I HATE THIS DRESS". I went into her room and saw the doll laying face down on the floor.

I was totally crushed on the inside. I felt like crying. I cramped my fingers making that damn dress for her. But on the outside I said "That was rude and mean. I worked hard on this for you. You need to sit in here and think about how to graciously accept a gift. Don't come out until you've figured it out".

And yes, I did take the time to explain what the word "gracious" meant.

Then I took the dress and threw it in the timeout basket on top of the china cabinet. She erupted into tears and shrieks of "I WANT THE DRESS! I LIKE THE DRESS! GIVE ME MY DRESS BACK! IT'S MY DRESS". I sent her back to her room.

Eventually I gave it back to her. She smiled and said "Thank you, mommy. I really like this gift". Yeah. But it was genuine I think, because later on she kept referring to it as her "Princess Dress" and even took the time to note the little sparkly butterfly button I had sewn on her belt (Ben Franklin has this huge bin of stray buttons - 10 for 99 cents or something like that. I bought a bunch of the sparkly ones. Of course I had to dig through the bin for about half an hour to find them all. Me and about 3 other women, all of whom were significantly greyer than me. luckily one was on a "Zoo Animal" theme, another was on a "Nautical" theme, and the third was going for anything black. So the sparkly butterflies were all mine :-)) She also noticed the little silver sparkly bead in the back that I used as a button to close it at the top.

So yeah... eventually we ended up in a good place. But DAMN I was pissed off!

Ah well... better she learn the lesson with a gift I give her, than with one someone else does. Still.... grrrr!

So there. What comes around goes around. I can't WAIT until we hit the teenage years. Not.

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