Bringing Up Bobbin

House guest, Day 2

"H"'s entry for today, as dictated by Bobbin:

November 16, 2008

Today I went to a football game. I cheered! I jumped up and down and fell on the cement but Bobbin always picked me up. I wore a jersey. I ate a hotdog for lunch. I saw airplanes. Blitz is the mascot.

Go Seahawks Go!

I really wanted to go down there to the field, but it was foggy.

And here are the photos we included in the journal:

And here are a few more photos from the game.

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House guest

We have a guest staying with us this weekend. He's a bit of a bear. Oh, it's ok. He won't see this. He can't use a computer, let alone read. His name is "H" and he is the school's class teddy bear. Every student in the class gets to take "H" home for the weekend. This weekend is Bobbin's turn. "H" comes with his own journal where "he" writes about what he saw and did that weekend. Here was his entry for today, as dictated verbatim by Bobbin:

November 15, 2008

This morning after breakfast Bobbin took me to soccer. I played with some new friends like "Z". "Z" is a little boy in Bobbin's soccer class. I had lots of fun even though I fell down. I liked the squishy balls. After soccer I went to McDonald's with Bobbin. I had chicken nuggets and a chocolate chip cookie. Then we went to the painting store. I painted chocolate chip cookies and I went potty all by myself. Then we went to play in the play area with all kinds of instruments. Then I lied down and took a rest. After dinner tonight Bobbin said we would have ice cream.

I told Bobbin that because "H" can't talk, she needed to tell me what words to use in his journal to explain what he did today. The above was the result. I did have to prompt a bit with questions. And despite what his journal says, neither "H" nor Bobbin consumed a chocolate chip cookie at any point today. Nor did either of them paint chocolate chip cookies at the painting store. They painted something else entirely. And "H" actually spent most of soccer on the sidelines. He did lose his pants at one point, but he didn't fall. However this was her project, so I just wrote what she dictated :-) Although I did choose to omit how "'H' did hit at soccer, and that's not ok. And sometimes he bites. And he bited at soccer and I said 'no' and then he got a time out and then he was sorry and then he KICKED the ball so high it bumped down on his head and he got really really hurt and the ambulance came to take him to the doctor".

Here are the photos that we'll stick onto the journal entry for today:

Tomorrow is Football. I can't find the tiny Seahawks jersey that Bobbin had for one of her Build-A-Bear teddy bears, which got Bobbin all distraught. So today at the QFC I found a nice $2.99 beer cozy shaped like a Seahawks Jersey that should do nicely. Bobbin doesn't know what it really is. And that's ok :-). Stay tuned for photos from the game!

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Ho ho ho

Halloween wasn't even over yet when the stores started decorating for Christmas. Bobbin's been pretty consistent in what she wants Santa to bring her.

1. New diapers for her baby dolls (the old ones' sticky tape is all worn out)
2. A Brand New Big Girl Bike with butterflies on it

The first is something she's been asking for since March. I kid you not. The second one started about 2 months ago, but has been a daily topic of conversation. Bobbin wants a Big Girl Bike. Ever since she tried out a little 10-inch real, honest-to-goodness big kid bike complete with bicycle chain and brakes (as opposed to the "fake" ones that just have the pedals mounted on the front wheel like a tricycle) she's been asking for a Big Girl Bike. There's a tradition in both my family and Tim's of Santa bringing bicycles for Christmas. I explained to Bobbin that Santa was an expert bicycle maker; he had an entire wing of his toy factory dedicated to bicycle building.

She's been pretty adamant about the butterflies on the bike too. But I have a feeling Santa's gonna come through. He has a way of doing that :-)

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On the hunt for answers

We've been watching a lot of Bambi lately. A LOT. Almost every day. I think Bobbin's trying to sort through the complex concepts of violence, death, and loss and the way she's trying to do this is by watching the movie over and over and over and over again, and processing the information in her head. And asking a lot of questions.

Question 1: Why are the deer running; who's coming?
Answer: The deer are running because they are afraid of the hunters.

Question 2: What are the hunters; are they (pointing to the animated images of crows on the TV) the hunters?
Answer: The hunters are people. They are in the forest. They are chasing the deer. They make a lot of loud noises and it scares the animals.

Question 3: Where did Bambi's Mommy go?
Answer: Well, Bambi's Mommy was really worried about Bambi because he's so young. She wanted to make sure he ran away and hid somewhere safe. So she stayed behind in the meadow to make sure he escaped. And now she's gone. She died, honey.

Question 4: How did she died?
Answer: Well, I think she got really badly hurt from the hunter's guns. So hurt that she couldn't get up anymore. So hurt that a doctor couldn't have helped her. And when someone gets so hurt that they can't be made better, sometimes they die. But Bambi will always remember his Mommy, and remember how much she loved him. And his Mommy will watch over him even though she's not with him anymore.

Question 5: Why are the mean dogs chasing Feline?
Answer: Those are the hunters' dogs. The hunters trained them to be able to find other animals. The dogs work for the hunters. They find the animals the hunters are looking for and then they keep them there until the hunters can get there.

Question 6: What happened to Bambi? How he got hurt?
Answer: Well, Bambi was running to get away from the hunters, and when he went to jump across the canyon the hunters saw him, and they shot their gun, and the bullet hit his leg and he got really really hurt.

Question 7: Why the hunters hurt Bambi? Why the hunters have guns?
Answer: Well, sometimes people have to hunt for their food. That's how they live. They have to find food in the forest. Hunters find food. that's how they're able to feed their families and live. That doesn't make them bad. It's what they need to do. Some people don't hunt for food. They hunt for other reasons. I don't think that's ok. I would never do that. Neither would Daddy. we don't need to hunt for our food. We can get our food from farms and gardens and grocery stores. And Guns are very very very very dangerous. We don't touch guns. Guns are really really dangerous. They can hurt you so bad that you might not get better.

Question 8: And then you could die?
Answer: Yes, you could.

Ok. So she's processing all of that, and I think she's getting it. But I didn't realize that there was one slight little problem. There's a boy in her class named Hunter. You know where I'm going, don't you... Well, thankfully I don't think she's had any sort of conversation or confrontation with him about why he killed Bambi's mother. But it has been on her mind, because when I picked her up from school, I asked her who the little boy was that said goodbye to her and gave her a kiss and a hug, and she replied "Hunter" (whom I had met when I first started taking her to school; but had forgotten his name). And then she said "But he's not mean like the pretend hunters in Bambi".

So we had a conversation about how her friend's name is Hunter, but that the hunters in Bambi were actually called hunters because what they do is hunt. They hunt, so they are hunters. That's different than having the name "Hunter". I don't know if I needed to bother, but I did know that I didn't want to take the chance that I'd get some weird note from school about how Bobbin was accusing one of her classmates of killing deer and starting forest fires. It still may happen, but at least I'll have seen it coming and will be able to explain why :-)

The other movie we've been watching is 101 Dalmations. Yes, another lovely tale of cruelty to animals. All implied, never seen, much like Bambi. But that's all that is needed to get a 3-year-old's mind turning. Thankfully she has not yet pieced together what it is that Cruella deVille is planning on doing with the puppies. She is however, fascinated by her meanness. She looks mean, she sounds mean, and she steals puppies. Evil incarnate already, even without knowing her intent for those puppies. But even that is not the primary focus of Bobbin's fascination with Cruella. No, what really has captured Bobbin's attention are the cigarettes that Cruella smokes. "Why she's putting fire in her mouth?" Bobbin asks. She asks this of real people she observes smoking as well.

So far my answer has been this: She's smoking a cigarette. Cigarettes are really yucky and very very dangerous. Cigarettes can make you very very sick. They can make it so your body can't breathe, and you cough all the time, and you can even get so sick you have to go to the hospital and stay there for a long long time. and sometimes you can get so sick you can't get better.

To which, of course, she asks " And then you can die?"

To which of course I anaswer "Yes, yes you could".

This lesson too, appears to be sinking in well. Whenever Bobbin sees a cigarette butt on the sidewalk or street she stops, points at it and yells "OOOH YUCKY YUCKY! THAT's BAD! SO YUCKY! ICK! YUCK! PTOOEEEY! THAT CAN MAKE YOU SICK!"

Neither Tim nor I smoke. Tim used to but quit before we got married. I've never so much as tried it. At all. But of course, we do know people who do smoke. Some of whom are very close to us. And so Bobbin's still trying to process why someone would willingly do something that was so bad for them that it could make them so sick they would die. And, well, that's a tough one. My answer there is that he or she has been smoking for a very long time, and they know it is bad and not healthy and could make them sick, but sometimes it can be very very hard to stop doing something even when you know it is bad for you and can make you sick. And what we should do is let those people know that we really love them, and we want them to stop smoking, because we don't want them to get sick. And maybe if they know that it will help them to stop doing it".

So at this point I can say that we've done the three-year-old version of

• the Sex talk (Babies come from Mommies' tummies. When a mommy and daddy decide they want to have a baby, then the baby grows in mommy's tummy and then when it's big enough they go to the hospital and the baby is born)
• the smoking talk
• the drinking talk (Tim and I enjoy wine at dinner and so we've had the conversation about how that is just for grownups, and even then grownups should only drink a little bit, because too much can make your body sick, just like too much medicine or too much of anything can make your body sick),
• the gun talk.

I think we've covered a few bases for a while.

Good lord, this parenting stuff is hard.

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What do I do now?

It is 7:39pm. Bobbin has been in bed for 30 minutes. I kid you not.

She's had a pretty hectic weekend. Up at 6:30am yesterday. Soccer at 9:40am. Then to Target to buy birthday presents - we had two parties this weekend. Then home where she played outside on her swings in the rain, followed by a rousing game of soccer with me that ended with her slipping in a puddle and getting covered with mud from head to foot. Even her underpants were muddy. After that was Birthday Party #1 at friend L's house. L turned 2 (Happy B-day, L!). Bobbin played non-stop until about 5pm when she practically collapsed on their living room floor in a heap of exhaustion. Good humoured exhaustion, but exhaustion nontheless. She was in bed by 7:30pm last night and awake at 7am this morning.

After chowing down on six mini-pancakes, scrambled eggs with cheese, a plum, some melon, and a yogurt smoothie we decided to hit the park. We must have walked about a mile and a half together all told, half of which she ran. Fed the ducks. Chased the roosters. Went to lunch. 2 hours in the end. And when I realized that birthday party #2 started at 1pm and not 3pm as I had thought, we raced back to the car and went straight to Grandma's house for cousin S's party. Tim met us there, party dress and presents in hand. She played outside and inside and outside again. I noticed the treads were falling off her shoes at this point so after the party we headed straight to the mall for a new pair of running shoes and some "hiking boots" (kind of all-weather sturdy boots that should fare better on her school playground). By 5:00pm we were home, and 5:30 we were finished dinner. Bobbin announced her readiness for a bath at 5:50 and she played in there for 40 minutes. By 6:45 she was in her jammies, and by 7:10 we were finished the two books she had selected and she announced her desire to go to bed.

She's been completely silent since I tucked her in, no doubt falling asleep minutes after her head hit the pillow.

And so here I am, 7:39pm, oddly... free... I'm sure I'll come up with something to do :-) It is a strange feeling though!

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My little patriot

Bobbin's class has been learning about elections all week. Not the yucky politics. Just the basics. Like this, which are the answers I got when I asked her what she learned at school yesterday and today

1. Our country is called the United States of America


2. It has 50 states


3. We live in Washington State


4. The 50 stars on the flag represent the 50 states. Each state gets a star


5. In the United States we elect a President.


6. America has a National Song. An America Song. It's the same song we sing at football games

And today, she came home and taught me something I did NOT know, in my 15 years living here, simply because I've never had to repeat it. The Pledge of Allegiance:

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, indivisible, With Liberty and Justice for all."

Only when she says it it goes more like this:

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and Stand, under God, invisible for all"

Which wasn't entirely inappropriate, given the last 8 years :-)

I'll stick with the official version though when I apply for citizenship. Probably wiser :-)

Easy to fix.

When I told her that Barack Obama had one the election she said, and I kid you not, "Barack Obama? I like him. I want to go meet him and talk to him"

About what, I wondered. That could be a good conversation...

But I responded with, "Well, He'll be moving into the White House soon. Maybe we can take a trip to see the White House". And then she asked "I want to see this white house. Where is his white home he lives in?" and then I explained that it was in the Other Washington, Washington DC. To which she replied "Near Aunt Sarah" (who, with Mike, just moved back to Canada from Quantico. The kid's got a memory in her).

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Bobbin '48!

Bobbin is learning about "voting" in preschool. They've been voting on favourite foods and colours. I asked her if she knew what tomorrow was. After insisting that tomorrow was "pajama day" at school (it's not), I reminded her that tomorrow is election day, when all the people in the United States get to go and vote to choose the next President.

I reminded her of the names of the two main Presidential Candidates this year and asked her who she would vote for. Her response: "ME!" Fair enough. So that led to the following conversation. And these are direct quotes because I grabbed a pen and paper and took notes when I realized she was actually answering my questions :-)

Me: Well, interesting. I might consider voting for you too but I need to know a bit more about you. As President, what would be the first thing you do for the country?

Bobbin: I would give everyone a sticker.

Me: That's a pretty good start. Everyone likes stickers. Is there anything else you would want to do for the country in your first term as President?

Bobbin: Put merry-go-rounds everywhere

Me: That's a very interesting idea. Now, as President of the United States, where do you stand on education? Are there specific policies you'd want to implement for schools?

Bobbin: (pausing to think) Yes. No hitting. No biting. No pushing.

Me: Reinforcing the fundamentals. That's a good start. Now, let's talk about your foreign policy. As President of the United States would you travel the world to make new friends?

Bobbin: (enthusiastically) I would GO TO AFRICA!

(Bobbin knows "Africa", "Australia", "Antarctica", "China", "Canada" and "America")

Me: There is a lot going on in Africa, definitely.

Bobbin: Mommy, I'm all done now. I'm eating my meatballs.

And so ended Bobbin's first round of interviews in her presidential bid. Nothing like getting a head start on the competition. From her current positions and priorities it seems she has an Independent streak but we'll have to see how the Mainstream Media casts her.

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Looking forward

Bobbin's favourite question as I'm putting her to bed at night is "Momma, what we gonna do after dis sleep?". Of course, if it's a school night, the answer is "School" but we already know about all the cool things happening at school all day for the whole week, thanks to her teacher's regularly weekly emails that list out the full week's lesson plan. Have I mentioned how much I love this new school? So we're able to get jazzed about all the fun things she's going to do at school, which eliminates (most times) the protests of going to school. And now, when we get there, she runs full speed down the walkway ahead of me, to go find her friends and start playing. I had to ask for a kiss and a hug and no sooner than it was issued, she was back with her friends, back turned to me.

VICTORY!!!! She turned and glanced back as I was leaving, but I had put my arms back down and wiped the look of scary happiness off my face and just smied, waved, and called "I love you sweetie! See you after school!"

Tim went to pick her up and she didn't want to leave.

I'd say we're over the transition badness.

12 hours of sleep last night - she slept from 7:40 - 7:30. Would have slept longer had I not awakened her. She was happy when she got up though. No protests

She's been coming home with this knowledge and these ideas /that have not come from Tim or I. I know a lot of songs, but I had not heard "Doggy Doggy where's your bone? Someone took it from your home! Guess who? It might be me or you or you!" or how about

There are Seven Days
There are Seven Days
There are Seven Days in the week
Sunday Monday
Tuesday Wednesday
Thursday Friday
Saturday

Ah yes, and there is also

Pumpkin, pumpkin, I've been thinking
You're the finest one I've seen
Soon to be a jack-o-lantern
All lit up for Halloween

And she's recognizing numbers - the number 4 in particular (there have been several recent birthdays in the class of kids who are turning 4). And there must be someone in her new class who likes Batman because she's been into watching superhero movies, and pretending she's batgirl on her swing and calling me BatMommy ,and Tim BatDaddy. It's pretty comical.

I'm barely making it through my exercise goals. Haven't failed, but just squeaking by. And it's just been a generally rough 3 weeks or so, but I think I'm getting back on track. Looking forward to taking some copious time off in December.

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No Tears!

Bobbin had a bad dream last night. I don't remember what time it happened, but at some point I dragged my pillow and blanket into her room and slept with her for the rest of the night. We woke up at 7:50am.

She woke up happy. She didn't argue. She didn't feign illness. She didn't resist going to school. She ate her breakfast. She got dressed. She left the house happy. I was so intent on capitalizing on this positive mood that I forgot my laptop and cell phone as I ushered her out the door and to the car. Tim brought them to me later at work :-)

We got to school and she didn't complain. She ran out to the playground. She enthusiastically hugged her friend who was waiting for her. And they ran off to play.

I stuck around for a couple of minutes. When it was time to say goodbye, she didn't cry. She hugged me and kissed me, and then ran off happily to continue playing with her friend.

It was glorious!

This evening, there were no protests when I announced it was jammy time. She went potty and washed her hands without me asking. She even brushed her teeth without my help and nagging. By 7:20 she was ready for her bedtime stories. I let her pick out 5 books, because she had been so fast and hadn't put up an argument. We got through two before she insisted she was "so very tired" that she needed to go to bed. I walked her to her bedroom, tucked her in, humoured her for 5 minutes as she insisted on a drink of water, one more hug and kiss, and one more hug and kiss after that. She tried to get me to stay but I told her I was going to exercise, and she laid there quietly, listening to her music, and apparently dropped right off to sleep.

I read somewhere online this morning that mercury is currently in retrograde. Apparently that usually causes chaos and destruction (if you subscribe to that stuff). However it seems to have had the opposite effect on our household. Or maybe, possibly, dare I suggest, that we're starting to come out of the "thrashing threes".

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The League of Princesses receives a new Inductee

The induction ceremony began Friday evening and lasted well into the later evening.

First there was The Dressing, which also required some Pre-Dressing enticement. Promises of poofiness and twirliness like non she had ever witnessed or felt before. Her parents said it couldn't be done. But they've never met professionals like these before. Hook, line, and sinker .Within 10 minutes, they had her Pretty in Pink and demanding (well, politely requesting, but they'll work with her on that tone of voice during inductee training) to be danced with and spun.

This was followed by the actual Induction Ceremony. It's highly secret. You can tell they're keeping it that way. The question no one in history could ever answer is whether the league exists for good or evil. You can't really tell that here either, can you. But they're up to something. And Halloween is just right around the corner...

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Grammar schoolin'

Bobbin, of her own accord, has taken a keen interest in punctuation.

Yes, punctuation. The periods, questions marks, and exclamation points that mark the end of a sentence. As we were reading a few days ago, on the potty of course (it's where we do our best "reading"), every time we came to the end of a sentence she would point to the punctuation and ask "That's not a letter. What is that letter?"

So we've launched into learning about punctuations. I've zeroed in on Exclamation Points, or "Exciting Point" as Bobbin likes to call them, and Question Marks, or "Curiosity Mark" in Bobbin-lingo. She came up with both terms completely on her own after hearing the explanations for what they do and why we need 'em.

So now when we read books I ask her what the punctuation is at the end of the sentence, and she'll say "Exciting Point!" and I'll say "So I need to sound REALLY EXCITED when I read it then right?" and she'll nod, and then I'll read "HOORAY! HOORAY! We're On our WAY! Our Summer Vacation STARTS TODAY!" with over-the-top excitement. It makes her giggle. And then when I get a question, I go over the top up at the end of my sentence (easy for me and my natural Canadian up speak heritage?) and she giggles more.

Today she pointed to the period and said "I don't know what that dot is. What is that dot, Momma?" I told her it's a period. "A period", she repeated. I said it was so you could tell when the sentence ended. And so ended the lesson on the period. Not one of the more interesting punctuations. When she starts to read my writing, she'll no doubt become overly familiar with the comma. Ah well. We're a ways from that.

Bobbin's been perfecting her own writing lately. She has been able to recognize all the uppercase ABC's by sight for a while now, and has added a number of lower case letters to her recognition skills recently. But she has just last week mastered the letter "R" . Each time she does it, it gets smaller and smaller. We started out writing big "R"s on the chalkboard. Then graduated to large paper, then smaller paper, then smaller letters on the paper. We have a birthday card envelope that is now completely covered in "R"s of varying sizes and directions. I need to get it framed.

In addition to "R", Bobbin has also previously mastered the letters H, O, T and is working on D, B, P (all variants of "R" in terms of stroke, that I thought I would introduce her to writing, given her mastery of probably the more complicated of the four). She's also got C and L partially covered. But one of her favourite letter games recently is to see an M in a book and turn it upside down and magically turn it into a W (or vice versa). This is fascinating to her.

Now that we've got rhymes mastered, the rhyme game usually peters out a bit faster ending in a wash of rhymes of the form

Word / KaBurd; which rhymes with absurd, which is where it degenerates to from there, although both of us are usually giggling sillily.

so our new game is the alphabet sound game. We started it tonight. Bobbin was totally enthused at this idea, as I knew she would be. The game goes like this:

1) Go down to the basement and find that big Easter basket you've always been wanting to play with but that I kept saying how it had to stay down in the basement. You can go by yourself if you want while I clear the table; I'll just turn on the lights for you. Bring it back up when you've found it and close the gate.

FREE pass ALONE to the basement. She was all over that.

2) Ok, now at school you're learning about what letter? That's right, the letter "C". And what sound does the letter "C" usually make in a word? That's right, it makes a "k" sound. So the game is that we have to go all over the house with this basket looking for things that start with a "k" sound.

We then spent 15 minutes coming up with words that start with a "k" sound. We were focusing on the hard C; not the soft C or the CH words. Although we did find a couple of those. And then off we went on our treasure hunt, shouting "K K K K K K" as we marched around the house. It was good for about 20 minutes of seeking and finding. We came back with our loot at the end of the game, and went to the living room to show it all to Tim. Bobbin pulled each item out of the basket and explained how it was a C word.

In the end we had

Camera
Clock - from her doll house
Cookies and Coffee in Cups on a tray - from her doll house
Crayons
Colouring book
The Cat in the Hat Book, because of the prominent use of the letter C throughout the story.
Cat (toy stuffed kitty)
Crown
Clapper (the plastic hand-shaped clapper noisemaker you get at sports games)
Can of Cocoa
Curious George book
Candle
Car
cone (sans ice cream)
carrot

When we'd find things that she loved that didn't start with C she immediately suggested that tomorrow would be the letter day for that word and we could collect it up with other things that start with the same letter. So I see this being a popular game.

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A good day. Are we coming out of it?

Today was a good day. Well, it was a good day after I dropped her off at school. It was a good day when we first got up. It was not so good between the time I made her breakfast and informed her today was a school day in response to her "what we gonna do today?" question that she asks every morning, and the time I actually managed to get her belted into the car for the ride to school.

BUT... once there, there weren't too many tears when we said goodbye. I had a good conversation 1:1 with the director before leaving to learn more about what Bobbin's doing when I'm not there and it was positive and insightful. She's doing great, bottom line. She's not so keen on making new friends. We think she might think that by doing so she'd be disloyal to her old friends. Oh man, if there's one thing that I CANNOT relate to its the concept of disloyalty to old friends. I didn't make friends easily as a kid either, but I always had a few where ever we lived. it would have been ten times worse, moving around as frequently as I did, if I maintained some sense of loyalty to my old friends that dictated that I couldn't make new ones. But I digress. I guess she's polite and not aggressive; she just shuns any attempts to get her to play with them. Although there are two little girls whose names she mentions frequently at home with great enthusiasm. She has professed her love about one. And there is a little boy that she has fun with. He's a bit of a troublemaker from what I can tell. Not bad; just likes to push the limits. So we might try and arrange some outside-of-school playdates.

She was great at school - happy, participating, friendly, listening. And there were no meltdowns after school. Or even after Tim got her home. Or even while dinner was cooking. Or even whlie we were eating. Or even while we were playing. Or even while we were getting ready for jammies. Or even while we were being tucked in. It was like the Bobbin that we know and love was BACK, and the little devil that had been possessing her for the last 4 weeks is gone. Knock on wood. We'll see if we can repeat the same tomorrow. Maybe even avoid the morning meltdown.

I have been exercising; made my goal last week with a walk on Saturday, and started off this week with 60 minutes Sunday and again this evening. It's just getting boring to write about, and I imagine even more boring to read about so I haven't been posting it every day. But it's happening!

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Extreme

I took Bobbin to soccer today. The new class she's in doesn't "require" parent participation on the field; encourages the kids to go on the field by themselves. Most of us parents though, end up starting out on the field and slowly backing off to the sidelines once things get going :-) And throughout the "game", Robyn and other kids will run back to the sidelines for a quick hug and kiss :-) She's doing really well with this arrangement. It helps that her BFF is in the same class with her. She starts off shy but quickly gets into her groove once all the running and ball kicking starts.

So we're there this morning, and Bobbin is on the field with the other kids, and this mom and her daughter - can't be more than 3 years old - show up a bit late. The mom tells the little girl to go ahead out on the field and the little girl freaks out and begs her mom to come with her. Her mom refuses, and tells her to go out there now. The little girl launches a temper tantrum, crying and screaming and begging not to go. The mom starts shouting "I'm sick and tired of these tantrums". I can relate to the emotion and frustration in her voice; a day of tantrums is really really really rough. And I take antidepressants. Then the mom yells "Get on the field NOW". More crying and screaming. The Mom then says "If you're not going to play soccer, then give me your soccer uniform. It's mine". At this point the hysterics get much louder and I stand aside from where I had been watching Bobbin and turn around and see that the mom has stripped her daughter down naked except for her underpants, right in the middle of the soccer arena - kids and parents and coaches everywhere - and starts marching her down towards the main area in nothing but her undies. The little girl is in tears. I was in tears. I wanted to reach out and hug the little girl. I wanted to keep her warm. I wanted to at least wrap something around her for her to be comfortable. I did nothing. I did not know what I could do or should do. I suck. And felt ashamed and like a horrible human being for witnessing this and doing nothing.

About 5 minutes later the little girl was back, fully clothed, with her father. She was not crying. She was holding her father's hand. I did not see the mother. The father took her out onto the field and she went without crying. He stayed with her a bit as they played. He slowly backed off the field; the same routine the rest of us parents took. For a few seconds she was ok, but then she ran back to her father, who scooped her up and carried her away.

I still feel sick to my stomach. For what I watched and also what I didn't do.

Every mom has those moments. You've been listening to the tantrums and fighting the battle of wills too much and you just want it to stop. And you say or do something you'd never have done in a level headed, logical moment. It's tiring and hard, and draining. So I can see how a person gets there. I've been there. It's once your there and what you decide to do about it that matters. Yelling... I've done it. Threatening the loss of a special treat ("No McDonalds at lunch" or "No movie after dinner"). Yup. Locking myself in my room for some "quiet time". Done it. Carried my daughter out of a public place because she was screaming and throwing food. Yup. Straight to the car and home. But this was extreme. Before I got to the point that I was stripping my daughter down naked in a public place and forcing her to walk through the building while berating her for being a crying baby, I believe I'd get quiet, pick her up, carry her to the car, and just go home. And then later we'd talk about what the issue was with soccer. If Tim was with me and I was feeling that overwhelmed, before I got to that point I'd hand him the reigns and go to the bathroom and have myself a quiet cry. In either case, my daughter wouldn't be forced onto a field she didn't want to be on to play a game she didn't want to play, with a bunch of strangers she didn't know in order to avoid being stripped down to her underpants as punishment.

What would you do if you had been me?

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Happy Jack-O-Leen!

Bobbin went on her first class field trip today! A momentous occasion, to be sure. The trip was to a local farm, where the kids had fun wandering through a haystack maze, sliding into bales of hay, going on a bumpy hayride, picking pumpkins, and eating popsicles.

Here you can see Bobbin picked out the perfect pumpkin for making a Jack-O-Leen (what she calls a Jack-O-Lantern :-))

She's been singing pumpkin songs all week that she's learned at school, and today was just the icing on the cake for her. She talked non-stop this evening about her "field trip" with "her kids". Some more photos here from the field trip. Yup - both Tim and I attended ;-)

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Back to being a soccer mom

We gave gymnastics a whirl a few weeks back. She gave it a good try. She actually really really loved it. Until I would walk away from her. And then it became a dark, fearful place filled with angst. But when I stayed on the mats the director became a dark, fearful man filled with angst. Director be damned, I did stay on the mats at the beginning of both clases, slowly extracating myself from the class as they rotated, until finally found myself back to the side boards. And in the second class I think we were on the path to fun, and then all the slipping and tripping started. Evidence that suggests, when combined with her eating and sleeping of late, and her larger shoes, she's experiencing her growth spurt.

And so we struck a deal. I praised her for her bravery in trying out something brand new and sticking with it for 2 whole classes. And told her that it was now her choice - did she want to keep doing gymnastics or would she prefer to go back to soccer. There was no hesitation on her part when she responded "I want to go back to soccer. I don't want to go to gymnastics EVER AGAIN".

And so last saturday we went to soccer, and were pleasantly surprised to find Bobbin's BFF in the same class. I figured we'd maybe run into each other but would be in different classes like last time.

Ah, but the only classes that they had for the age 3-4 that were not completely full on Saturdays (our only day), were the Hoppers class. Hoppers are one up from Cottontails, and as such, Hoppers are big enough bunnies that they don't need their mommy and daddy bunnies on the fields with them. We have to wait on the sidelines. This was going over as well as it did in gymnastics, even though she knew the coach, so it was with MUCH relief that BFF and his Dad showed up and in the instant that they ran to each other from opposite ends of the field and embraced and subsequently fell down on each other, I made my escape to the sidelines and got only a passing glance in my direction before she and BFF were off and holding hands and running across the field under coach's instructions. It was a joy to behold.

Tim was with us too, and snapped a bunch more great photos, some of which I've posted here.

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Rhyme Kabyme

Bobbin loves to rhyme. We play a game that usually goes like this

Me: What rhymes with Hat?
Bobbin: Hit the ball with a BAT!
Me: What rhymes with flower?
Bobbin: Lights need POWER!
Me: Right rhymes with sky?
Bobbin: Birdies FLY!

But sometimes she likes to make up words. This is how tonight's game went:

Me: What rhymes with door?
Bobbin: Door Kabore!
Me: What rhymes with kitchen?
Bobbin: Kitchen kaBITCHIN!

Of course I errupted into fits of giggles; my daughter said "Bitchin'", and so she knew she had made a funny but wasn't quite sure why. And so then it was all about me trying to come up with words that would make her swear... or at least "kaswear" cause, well, it was funny. for me. :-)

Me: What rhymes with glass?
Bobbin: Glass KabASS!
Me: What rhymes with phone?
Bobbin: Phone KaBONE!

Tee hee. Ok. Ok. I know. I'm her mom. KaBomb. I should show a little maturity. Kaburity.

Preschoolers are so much fun! :-)

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Growing, growing, gone

Today Bobbin consumed

For breakfast
- 2 servings of oranges
- 8 whole wheat mini-waffles
- 4oz of pure watermelon juice

After Soccer
- 8oz of water

For Lunch
- a pizza hut personal pan pizza - all 4 pieces
- 2 hot dogs (minus the buns)
- a 16oz bottle of water

For Afternoon Snack
- two 4 oz whole milk yogurts
- a bowl of cheese crackers
- a glass of water

For Dinner
- 12 dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets
- french fries
- 2 bites of a spring roll
- 2 glasses of water

She polished off the lunch at Target. We had intended to just stop at Target to pick up a few essentials but she decided she wanted to eat lunch there. After she polished off the pizza AND two hot dogs AND a bottle of water, she informed me she was still "really really hungry" and wanted to go to McDonald's. We did NOT go to McDonald's :-)

After the afternoon snack, she asked for a third yogurt, but I had decided two was enough. So we decided to do some chores and she helped me clean our bedroom balcony instead. But by dinner she was ravenous again, and out of the blue was asking for spring rolls.

Either she has a tapeworm, or she's going through another growth spurt.

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said the Princess

Bobbin's taken her make believe to a new level recently. It's really quite hilarious. Here is a conversation that transpired between us at dinner. It is important for me to tell you that throughout this conversation, Bobbin was wearing a gold plastic tiara bespeckled with "rubies". And her ballet skirt. And her butterfly t-shirt. And her black patent shoes. And we were dining in a restaurant.

The conversation literally started out of the blue. One minute we were chatting about soccer, and the next:

Bobbin (looking at me): Prince, I want you to know that I love you.
Me: Princess, I love you too.
Bobbin: When we are done dinner, Prince, I want you to take me back to the castle.
Me: Your wish is my command, Princess.

at this point Bobbin wobbled a bit in her booster seat and almost toppled over.

Me (catching her): Hey kiddo, are you ok?
Bobbin (adjusting her tiara and brushing the hair back from her face): Yes I am, said the Princess.

And from this point the conversation became more of a narration.

Me: How are you french fries?
Bobbin: Yummy, said the Princess. And then she ate the last one.

Yeah. We read a lot of books. :-)

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Gymnastics, Football, and Partying

That's what our weekend was all about.

Saturday morning gymnastics started out well enough but by the end, after having suffered several major bruises (to the ego and confidence moreso than the actual body, although that's bruised too :-)) she's decided she's going back to soccer. So good thing that I had my camera with me for what would end up being her last class (at least until she asks again ;-))

Then on Saturday we went to the football game

followed by Becky's Birthday Party (observed)

Lots more pictures of our weekend here!

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Growth Spurts

We had our 2nd Gymnastics class this week. It started off much like the first; Bobbin didn't want to do the warm up exercises. She didn't want me to leave her. She wanted me to keep holding her hand. We didn't end up doing much warmup since I'm technically not allowed on the mats, so she and I sat on the sidelines and watched. When it was time to line up and follow the coach to the first activity, she was starting to ease into it all. They started with the bar and she did some hanging. Then we moved to the trampoline and she did some jumping. All was well until she got her got her foot jumped on at the end of the trampoline by another 3-year-old. Not a malicious thing; just an accident. But it hurt, and it also set back her confidence. However she got back up and got back into it, and then the third exercise was the "obstacle course" and Bobbin loves that. I don't actually know what it's called, but it's set up like an obstacle course; different each week, apparently. There's a tube to crawl through on an incline; a ladder placed horizontally across two mats to balance across; two stacks of mats over which the kids "monkey jump"; a "mushroom" where they have to stand and balance on one leg; and a ramp down which they do a forward roll (somersault). Bobbin loves it, and was quite enthusiastic, crawling, jumping, balancing, and rolling with the rest of them and announcing loudly "I LOVE GYMNASTICS CLASS" with each round of the course until she had accident #2, where she landed funny on her fingers in one of her "monkey jumps". That was the end for her, and there were only a couple of minutes left of class anyway.

On the way home I asked Bobbin if she liked gymnastics today. She replied with a firm "no". I asked her if she wanted to go back next week. She responded with a pained look on her face and said "No. I don't want to go back ever again. I want to do soccer. Mommy, lets go back to soccer. Do you like playing soccer wif me?"

And so it is, that after two gymnastics classes, Bobbin has decided she's finished. I'm totally cool with that. I don't want to make her do something that makes her miserable. I told her I was VERY VERY proud of her for giving it a really good try and being very brave and trying something new, and that if she ever wanted to try again we could but if she didn't, that was ok too.

Tim's going to build her a balance beam in the back yard (low to the ground ;-)) and I pulled up my exercise ball from the basement and she had a blast this afternoon in the living room rolling back and forth on it, and climbing over it, and doing "handstands" with it. "THIS is GYMNASTICS, Mommy!" she proclaimed happily, grinning ear to ear, as she launched herself forward on the ball until her hands touched the floor and her feet were in the air. I couldn't disagree with that!

This afternoon we went to the Train Restaurant for lunch, and played on the climber outside the restaurant afterwards. Bobbin took two spills on the soft rubberized "turf" under the climber as she was running around it. She scraped the tip of her nose on one of the falls. She spent a good hour swinging on the bars over the slide and then letting go and launching herself down the slide. after that we headed out to the mall to buy new shoes and that's when I found out that her feet have grown an entire size since July 5th, which was when we last purchased a pair of shoes for her. An entire size in 2 1/2 months. She went from an 8 1/2 to a 9 1/2. It occurred to me then that some of these trips and scrapes and falls and spills that she's been experiencing with seemingly increased frequency of late, are probably due to a growth spurt. I'll have to check her height tomorrow :-) We ended up getting two pairs of shoes. She got her first pair of "big girl" running shoes - shoes with laces just like Mommy's and Daddy's. Of course, they are white with pink sparkly stripes. By end of day Monday, after a day at school they'll be grey all over. And by the end of day saturday, they'll be completely black from the artificial rubber turf at the indoor soccer field, which is what Bobbin decided she wants to do instead of Gymnastics.

She also got her first real pair of "party" shoes: a pair of black patent shiny dress shoes for special occasions, of which we have several coming up. And because they were on sale for 50% off. Otherwise they would have been added to the Santa list :-) They look very formal and dressy but the have the sole and tread of a running shoe, which is a requirement for anything Bobbin's going to put on her feet, regardless of whether she's wearing a dress with it or not :-). We've got two cousin birthdays coming up; at least one friend's birthday; Halloween; picture day at Preschool; Thanksgiving; Santa Pictures; special outings (we'll probably do the Nutcracker again this year; Bobbin loved it so much last year!), and of course Christmas. Plenty of wear, and by then her feet will probably have outgrown them again anyway :-)

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Close encounters

A few weeks back we went to the zoo with Dave, Becky and Zed. Dave took the below photo at the Bear exhibit, which was the total highlight of the visit for me, giraffe feeding included. These two bears were swimming, wrestling and roaring at each other in the water, right in front of our noses. Inches away. Literally. At one point both Bobbin and Zed decided it was a little too close for their liking but they actually stayed right up at the glass for quite a bit of it before deciding to run for cover. That's Bobbin in the pink coat and pigtails.

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Better than before

I took Bobbin to Big Girl Preschool today at 9am, I left her there at 10am, and returned to pick her up at 4pm. There were a few protests and some small tears as I said "see you later!" but she did great the entire day that I was gone. And I got to nap for a couple of hours in the middle of the day. Blissful :-)

We got off to a late start this morning though, because bedtime was fraught with hysterics again last night and she completely exhausted herself screaming in protest. As I mentioned in my last post, we believe, now, that she's been having bad dreams. Bad dreams that possibly involve some sort of separation from Tim and myself. She's been muddling through the concept of death recently. Unavoidable given the amount of roadkill we see on our street, and the National Geographic scenes that take place in our backyard. She's also been grappling with the concept that things she loves can get lost or broken and sometimes you don't find them again or can't fix them. And she also understands that there are things that are dangerous that she can't do because Mommy and Daddy will worry she will get hurt; hurt so bad that she might not get all the way better. And there are of course, the standard preschooler fear of Monsters. Somewhere among these rather complex lines of thought lies a fear, I think, that someday Mommy and Daddy will not be around and I think this is what she is dreaming about and why she is afraid to fall asleep, and why she insists on me checking her, and warns me frequently to be careful and stay safe, and tells me to make sure that I always come home again. And I always promise her that I will always come home again.

It doesn't seem right that a 3 year old should have to deal with these thoughts. I'm pretty sure that I myself was fairly naive and blissfully ignorant about them until at least grade school. I debate with myself all the time as to how to answer the increasingly difficult questions she's asking about death, war, danger. Monsters are easy because they're not real. But the rest... I don't want to lie to her because she will end up finding out the truth and then will know I've lied to her and will not trust me. I don't want to ignore the questions because she'll just find another source for answers to her questions and I want Tim and I to be the ones to answer these questions. I don't want to give her too much detail because she doesn't need it. I try and provide the very basic explanation, with just enough of an answer to satisfy the immediate question, or at least the underlying reason for the question, and without additional detail that will only panic her or be beyond her comprehension, but will be a solid framework for us to be able to build some rules of safety, and a foundation for compassion, trust, love and responsibility. But that balance is difficult to strike.

The latest series of conversations we've been having have actually been about love. Last night and tonight, this was what we discussed:

Bobbin: Where you keep your love?
Me: My love is in my heart; it's in my head; it's in my arms when I hold you and my lips when I kiss you; it's in my eyes.
Bobbin: where is my love?
Me: In all the same places; in your heart, in your head, in your eyes, in your arms, in your kisses and hugs.
Bobbin: Will it fall out?
Me: Nope, it will never fall out. Your love is with you all the time, for ever and ever. It cannot fall out. It is safe inside you. Nobody can take it, and you can't lose it. You can only give love; it's your choice to give it. And the more love you give, the more love you have. You can NEVER run out of love. You will always have enough love, for everyone and everything who is special to you.
Bobbin: can you eat love?
Me: Well, you can eat food that you love. And you can eat with people that you love. But you don't really eat love itself... love is a feeling, not a taste.
Bobbin: Love tastes YUMMY!
Me: Yes! I guess it does taste yummy, and... sweet! And...
Bobbin: Good!
Me: Yes, very good. And Delicious!
Bobbin: I love you, Mommy. And I love Daddy. And I love Zed and Edgar.
Me: See, you have lots and lots of love. You'll never run out.
Bobbin: I didn't want to go home tonight because I wanted to stay with Zed because I love her.
Me: I think she loves you too.
Bobbin: Why?
Me: Because you are a good and kind friend, and a lot of fun to be with.
Bobbin: And I don't want you to go anywhere without me because I love you too, Mommy.
Me: And I love you.
Bobbin: And Daddy loves me?
Me: And Daddy loves you. We both love you. we love you when you're at school and we're at work. we love you when we're all together. We love you when you're sad or angry or silly or happy or frustrated. We love you when we're sad or angry or silly or happy or frustrated. We love you all the time no matter what for ever and ever.

At this point she blew me a kiss.

We got home at 9:45pm. I read her two Harold and the Purple Crayon stories in the big chair. She went to bed with minimal fuss; more likely because she was EXHAUSTED (no nap; up since 7:30; playing hard all day at Big Girl Preschool and then Zed's house) than because she was being agreeable :-).

I feel like we're making progress though. We love the school; Bobbin loves the school. I think we're ok there. It was the right decision. We think we know what's happening at bedtime and now that we do we can take the appropriate tact and tone. We have a plan for Daddy/Daughter wednesdays so that Bobbin can spend more time with Tim alone on a predictable recurring schedule now that he has more direct control over his work schedule. I feel like we untangled a mass of spaghetti and we now have three clear, long, strands that we can deal with rather than the messy tangle that was the last two weeks that would only get messier whenever we tugged on one end without sorting through the rest.

Keep your fingers crossed. I'm sure something new is going to pop up at any moment.

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Day 3: Fun and some independance. Bedtime is still a battle

Bobbin and I headed off to Big Girl Preschool at 8:30am this morning after she decided I was taking too long to get it together and proclaimed "Mommy, I want to go to school now."

Far be it for me to stand in the way of a 3 year old who WANTS to go to school. I don't think I even brushed my hair before leaving. I did thankfully already have my teeth brushed and deodorant applied when she made her declaration. Otherwise the day would have been rather unpleasant for all.

She did great today. I took a 5 minute break just before morning snack time to "make a phone call in the car". I did, actually, make a phone call in the car. I called Tim and said "guess what? I'm in the car. Bobbin's in her class eating a snack. Without me. She didn't even cry". Then I hung up, checked my work email from my phone, and then went back into class. I found Bobbin eating cheese and crackers at a table with 4 other kids, happily munching away.

At lunch I decided to try it again, for longer. Not that I have anything against cheese quesadillas, carrots, and apples (especially when it is all organic ingredients) but I felt the need to have something slightly more... adult. So after a tearful but quick goodbye to Bobbin, whom I left sitting on her teacher's lap (I heard her stop crying even before I closed the door; not bad at all) I headed over to PCC for a chicken salad sandwich on a croissant, and a chocolate milk (I did only say "slightly"). After I finished my own lunch I called to check in on Bobbin, talked to her teacher directly who told me about the 2 minutes after I had left, where Bobbin questioned her intensely on whether or not she was going to have to sleep at the preschool. She wasn't sure if Bobbin was thinking she was going to have to spend the night, or if she was just worried about being required to take a nap. Her teacher reassured her that naps were not required, and that Mommy would be coming to get her to take her home for dinner. After that, she was fine.

And so, upon hearing that, I did a little shopping and meandering, and then returned to the school precisely 2 hours after I had left, bearing a pint of organic blueberries for Bobbin's class for afternoon snack time, which I handed to Bobbin to give to her teacher when she ran happily to greet me.

We stayed for the rest of the day until about 4:30pm so that Bobbin could experience the afternoon routine, which she had not seen Tuesday or Wednesday. There was a brief moment of angst when she learned that the class would be going down to the "barn" (the school is comprised of multiple buildings; each age group's class is in a separate building) for their snack. But she quickly settled in comfortably, especially after her teacher announced loudly to the entire class that Bobbin brought blueberries to share with everyone and she received a resounding cheer of "THANK YOU BOBBIN!" from the entire group of 20 kids. An age-old tactic. Have food; friends will follow. It worked for me when my mom sent me out of our new apartment in germany at the age of 5, with a handful of red licorices to share with the kids on the playground and "make friends". In reality I know it was a tactic employed for the sole purpose of giving her some precious time to unpack moving boxes without me hovering "helpfully" nearby. But it worked! On both counts :-)

And so, overall, Bobbin had a GREAT day on all fronts and by all accounts. After school we stopped at Target to get some school supplies (a binder, some sheet protectors, and a plastic frame for a family photo) and then came home to play. She had a great dinner, albeit a little late, and she got her jammies on without much fuss. we read two "Harold and the Purple Crayon" stories. Bobbin LOVES Harold and the Purple Crayon. Almost as much as she loves "Courderoy". You just can't beat the classics. And she said goodnight to me without a fuss and settled happily in the big chair with Tim to watch "tec the tractor" before going to bed.

And then... bedtime came and along with it the hysterics and shrieking that has become the standard for the last few days. I think though, we can attribute the bedtime hysterics to something other than school anxiety. Tim and I are now convinced that she had a bad dream recently and is afraid to go to sleep. I stayed in the basement for my full 30 minute workout, surfacing only after I heard things quiet down for a while. As painful as it was to listen and not react, I don't want her to learn that if she screams I will come, because that will set us all up for even bigger failure down the road. So when the screaming stopped and all had stayed quiet, I ventured upstairs and found the lights all on in her bedroom and Bobbin sitting up in bed, quietly reading a book, as Tim sat at the foot of her bed. I snuggled with her for a while, and we talked about all the reasons why monsters can't hurt us and what happens if they come near us, like

1) Monsters are scared of dogs and kitties, and we have a dog and TWO kitties. There's no way a monster is brave enough to even come CLOSE to this house!

2) Monsters can look really scary, but really they'r eactually very shy and scared of LOUD NOISES. So if you do happen to see a monster, all you need to do is stand up straight, look it straight in the eyes, and yell at the top of your voice "GO AWAY MONSTER! YOU CAN'T COME HERE! and stomp your feet really hard. And then the monster will cry and run away because it'll be scared.

3) When monsters get scared, they actually get smaller. And so if you REALLY scare a monster badly, as it's running away it will actually be getting smaller and smaller and smaller until it's so small it's as small as a bug and then you can take your big foot and stomp on it and squish it and then "POOF" it'll disappear completely in a cloud of sparkly dust and never come back.

4) Once a monster has run from you, it never ever comes back. Even if you don't get a chance to stomp on it, it will never come back to the same person twice.

5) Daddy is the BEST monster scarer of them all, because Daddy can make his voice super mean and loud. The entire time I've known Daddy and have lived with him, I've NEVER EVER seen a monster.

Then I cuddled with her a bit longer, and finally left her alone in her bed, and told her I'd check on her again before bed.

Then I came out to the kitchen, had some cookies and milk, printed out a picture of the 3 of us for her to take to school tomorrow, along with her white 3-ring binder and sheet protectors.

Tomorrow I am going to attempt to leave at lunch and go back and pick her up at 4:30. I think I'll go for a walk and try and do some chores. Maybe take a nap. I deserve it :-). We'll see.

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Day 2: All is well, for a while

I went to work today. Tim took Bobbin to Big Girl Preschool. Overall it seems it went ok. She panicked a little when Tim went to the bathroom and she noticed he wasn't there. But she did well, and she still likes the school. As a special treat, he took her to the Science Center in the afternoon to watch the butterflies.

But when they got home and she saw I wasn't there yet, I guess more hell broke loose. By the time I did get home, all was well again and this evening's routine went much better than last, with Bobbin getting her jammies on without a fuss; letting me pause the movie without screaming; saying a short and sweet goodnight to me without sobbing for me to not leave her; going potty without having to be coaxed before bed; and actually getting tucked in without complaint or hysterics for "Momma". So I think we're making progress.

I have the rest of the week off. Tomorrow is going to be our first attempt at a full day of school. I'm sure she'll be fine. I'm not sure I'm ready to handle 8 hours of preschool though. It's sitting on the floor or those tiny chairs and tables that kill me ;-)

I looked up "anxiety" on our pediatrician's online advisor web site and found this description:

Anxieties can become severe and begin to interfere with the daily activities of childhood, such as separating from parents, attending school, and making friends. You should discuss concerns you have about your child's anxieties with your child's physician. The physician may then refer your child to a mental health professional for an evaluation.

A child or adolescent with severe separation anxiety may show some of the following:

• constant thoughts and fears about safety of self and parents
• refusal to go to school
• frequent stomachaches and other physical complaints
• extreme worries about sleeping away from home
• overly clingy behavior at home
• panic or tantrums at times of separation from parents.

So I'm concerned. But I don't want to overreact. I know that hauling Bobbin in to the doctor in the midst of a an already fairly significant time of transition that accounts for 95% of the anxiety she's experiencing isn't going to do anything to help the situation; it'll just feed her anxiety with thoughts that Mommy thinks there's something wrong. I know she needs a couple of weeks consistent routine to feel secure again that her life is predictable. That knowledge doesn't do anything to prevent me from wanting to press the fast-forward button on a magic remote control to see how this has all turned out though.

So all the energy that is fueling my anxiety about her anxiety (which is not NEARLY of the proportions it would be were I not taking my zoloft on a daily basis, thank you) perhaps is best spent fueling my body on the elliptical instead. I have been burning more calories in my workouts recently (when I'm not interrupted by hysterics). There's a plus... right?

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A good first day; but anxiety sets in after the fact

Big Girl Preschool was a hit. Bobbin and I spent the entire morning there from 8:30am - 12:15pm. She did GREAT. She participated in the class, ran and had fun, played with other kids, interacted with the teacher, and enthusiastically proclaimed several times "I LIKE THIS PRESCHOOL! IT'S FUN! I WANT TO GO AGAIN!"

All afternoon she spent re-enacting her day at Big Girl Preschool. All of her stuffed toys assumed the names of the kids that are in her class. She became "Miss Trimm", which is the name of my own kindergarten teacher. For some reason Bobbin's latched onto "Miss Trimm", perhaps because she identified with the stories I told her of how I felt shy and nervous when I went to Kindergarten for the first time but then my teacher Miss Trimm turned out to be really nice and I had a lot of fun in her class. So she becomes "Miss Trimm" now. I am a student, as are all of her stuffed toys. Bobbin lined us up to go outside. She made us wash our hands when we were inside. She gave us each a puzzle to play with (yes, she has that many puzzles; this girl loves puzzles). We had circle time. Then she would turn from "Miss Trimm" into "Mommy" or "Daddy" and come pick me up and take me home from school. And then we'd start all over again.

Yup, all afternoon and into the evening she was replaying the day in her mind and out loud. She liked Big Girl Preschool. She liked the teacher. She liked the class. She had fun. She wants to go again. I read three books to her, one of which was called "My Preschool" and she loved it. She kissed me goodnight without a fuss. I went to exercise.

And then, about 30 minutes later, all hell broke loose. I ended up having to come upstairs when I got to the 30 minute mark to help calm her down. She was in hysterics. She had all kinds of disjointed thoughts in her head; she wants me to know she loves me and so she doesn't want to let anyone else help her or love her. As if loving me meant there was nothing else left to go around. It was really quite heart wrenching. I explained to her that the special thing about love is that the more people you love, the more love you have to give. In the end I think she is anxious because tomorrow she goes to Big Girl Preschool without Mommy. Tomorrow is Tim's turn to take her. And she just needs to get through it to know that it's going to be ok. It breaks my heart though to see her in such clear turmoil. The conversation about love was really unexpected. I have no idea where she got the idea in her head that I wouldn't know that she loves me if I'm not with her. Am I to blame for that? Is there something I should have or shouldn't have done that causes her to think this way? I don't know.

On the plus side - her enthusiasm for her new preschool was real and genuine. I honestly believe once we get through the challenge of transition and she starts to build relationships and trust with her teachers and other kids, that this will end up being better for her than her last school. I already see some signs. I just want it to not be so painful for her. But I guess I can't shield her from pain forever, and trying to do so would only end up making things worse. I just have to trust that she'll work through this and that we're doing the right things in how we're supporting her through this. It's still very hard.

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They're back! And not a moment too soon

Did my 60 minutes today to The Daily Show and Colbert Report. Ah, how I missed Jon and Steven. The time flew by tonight and I worked up a great sweat. I'm ready for tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Bobbin's first day at "Big Girl Preschool". I bought her a new sparkly Cinderella Princess Backpack to commemorate the occasion. I filled it with a new set of markers (her old ones were used up, dried out, or both), a new doodle pad, and some new pastel crayons. All of which, backpack included, were in the clearance aisle at Target. I love the "after back to school" sales :-)

She's apprehensive. Understandably so. She alternates between wanting to go to her "wegular class" and wanting to go to "big girl preschool" from minute to minute. The backpack was a hit though.

She's getting so big so fast. We were in Fred Meyer the other day, perusing the toy aisles while I waited for my prescription to be filled, when Bobbin saw the bicycle rack from a distance and made a beeline over to a 12" pink, tasselled, bike with training wheels. A real honest-to-goodness big girl bike, with bicycle chain and backpedal brakes. I took it off the shelf to let her check it out. She climbed on and put her feet on the pedals. And proceeded to ride all the way down to the end of the aisle. The backpedal braking motion kinda threw her for a loop, but she eventually got it.

A big girl bike. Is it possible? She's only just turned 3. We did add it to the top of the Santa list though. But it has to be pink.

She's also started creating a distinction in her mind of "girl things" and "boy things". I'm not sure where this comes from. She has lots of what some might think of as "boy" things that she loves to play with - her Elmo toolbench; her Thomas the Train set; her collection of matchbox cars and trucks; her airplanes. And her imagination has her traveling to the moon, playing a running back in football, and driving dump trucks on a regular basis. Of course, she'll often do so while dressed in a sparkly pink dress and sporting a tiara and some of my lipstick. But there's no rule that states a princess can't be a back hoe operator or linebacker or vice versa. Ok, maybe for the time being it's best to remain a closet princess if you're a linebacker :-)

Anyway, we were flipping through the latest fisher-price catalog this evening. The first section, with the Little People stuff, she did not identify as being associated with a particular gender. Next came the jeeps and cars and trucks. Of course, all of the photos showed little boys playing with these toys. Bobbin pointed and said "this is the boy section". I replied with "Well, there are boys in the pictures, but girls play with these toys too" and reminded her that she loved playing with her cars and with her trains. The pages after this were pink and filled with dolls and frills and pretend cookware and princess costumes and dress up jewelry. Bobbin pointed and said, authoritatively, "these things are just for girls". I asked her if she saw boys playing with baby dolls at school, or pretended to cook in the play kitchen and dress up in the play clothes and she said yes. So I pointed out that even though these pictures only had girls in them, boys could still play with all these toys too. And aren't Daddy and Grandpa Jerry two of the best cooks you know? I decided it best to not get into the stereotyped interpretations that many would make upon seeing a little boy in a princess dress and rhinestone earrings carrying a pink silk purse :-). And granted, the boys at school are often throwing the baby dolls against the wall or banging the toy frying pans on the bookcase when they're playing. But all of that's neither here nor there.

Still, it's interesting to see that she's picking up on some of the stereotypes that remain common in advertising.

Tomorrow should be interesting. I have no idea how this is going to go. I'm mentally prepared for anything. I hope that her natural curiosity takes over as soon as we enter the classroom. I know that she'll spend the first little while observing quietly and taking it all in. We'll see what happens after that :-)

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Fun on the Farm

Today we headed out to the farm. We had a blast!

There were hay rides,

goats,

friends,

and all kinds of other fun. Check out the rest of the photos from today.

After the farm, we all headed back to our place for more playtime and pizza. And all of this was after a morning of gymnastics and no afternoon nap. By 6:45pm we were all ready to pack it in for the night :-).

Bobbin did great at gymnastics. No pictures today. The 3-4 year old class is for kids only; no parents on the mats. We get to watch from the other side of the boards. I violated the rules during warm up because Bobbin just wasn't ready to go it on her own, but once they moved on to the trampolines, I was able to slowly extricate myself and move back over to the parents' area to watch from afar, as my little gymnast bounced her way down the trampolines, did front rolls down the squishy mat, balanced on the beam, and even gave the bar a swing (although she declined the coach's offer to help her do a front spin on it. Just not quite ready for that yet :-)). After class was over she got star stamps on her hand and came bounding over to me, arms wide open, declaring "I LOVE THIS CLASS!"

I think we'll be going back next weekend :-)

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Brrriiiiiing... Hello? Is this Mommy's bluff? Hey! I've been trying to call you all day. Where ya been?

Me: Ok, let's get dressed.
Bobbin: No.
Me: No watermelon juice till you get dressed.
Bobbin: Ok. I don't WANT watermelon juice. I don't want to get dressed. I want to play.
Me: No Curious George till you get dressed.
Bobbin: I don't WANT to watch TV. I want to play.
Me: Daddy will have to take you to school if you don't get dressed now.
Bobbin: NO! MOMMY!

Score one for me.
...

Me: Ok honey, let's go home.
Bobbin: No.
Me: No TV. No Candy. No stories before bedtime if you don't come with me now.
Bobbin: No. I want to play. 5 minutes.
Me: No 5 minutes; I already gave you 5 minutes. We need to leave now.
Bobbin: 2 minutes.
Me: You'll miss out on dinner: Hotdogs and macaroni and cheese - if we don't leave now.
Bobbin: It's gonna get cold?
Me: Yes.
Bobbin: I don't want dinner. I want to play.
Me: (coming up blank) Ok then...
Bobbin: You gonna leave without me?
Me: (pausing briefly) No. I can't leave without you. I'd get arrested. But I will pick you up and carry you to the car if I have to.
Bobbin: I'm COMING. I SAID I am coming. You don't NEED to get ANGRY. That's NOT ok.
...

Bobbin: I don't WANT to wash my hands and face.
Me: You rubbed hotdog on your cheeks. You have to wash your face. Do you want Tommy to lick you?
Bobbin: SHUT UP!
Me: (carrying her into her room and depositing her on her bed) You do NOT say those words to me or to anyone. That was rude and disrespectful. That is NOT ok to say.
Bobbin: Caleb says it at school.
Me: I don't care who says it. It's not ok to say. Does the teacher tell Caleb not to say it at school?
Bobbin: Yes.
Me: Then no more.
Bobbin: SHUT UP.
Me: Time out time. 3 minutes.
Bobbin: (as I'm walking out of her room and closing her door, she's singing to herself) Twinkle, twinkle little star... Shut UP Cinderella! I like you.

...

Yes Dad, Mom... payback's a bitch.

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Balancing Act

I made my goal again last week with 60 minutes on the elliptical yesterday evening. Started off this week with a 4 mile walk today and topped it off this evening with 30 minutes on the elliptical. I weigh myself next Sunday.

Bobbin had no nap today. Woke up at 6:45pm and went to bed at 8:15pm. You'd never have known it. No implosions, even when I left for my walk, or when we were over at our friends' house this afternoon and evening. She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow though.

Yesterday, however, was The Big Event: Bobbin's BFF from school turned 3 years old. Bobbin has been eagerly anticipating this birthday party for 3 weeks - ever since he handed her an invitation at school. She had her dress picked out the day before - white with green and pink embroidery and a little pink eyelet petticoat underneath. Same one that she wore to her own birthday party. As we walked up the steps to his front door she stopped, swished her dress, and said with a smile, "[BFF] is really going to like this dress". Oooh boy :-) She had a total blast at the party and so did BFF. I managed to capture a few moments with the camera.

Her imagination is really blossoming these days as well. Her climber outside frequently turns into a castle, a hospital, a fire station, and a sailboat among other things. Her favourite is to slide down the slide with her fire fighter's hat on and yelling "WOOOO ooooo OOOO oooo" to rescue Kitty, whom she has tossed off the top of the climber. Once rescued she hauls him back up to the top of the climber which has become a hospital, and gives Kitty CPR and gets him breathing again and checks his heart. I caught her in the act a few days ago and took this series of photos

Finally, I leave you with Bobbin's latest passion: Balancing. She doesn't realize it, but she has a lot in common with her Mommy that way. Metaphorically speaking, of course :-) She starts Gymnastics next saturday. We decided to give Soccer a bit of a break for a while so it doesn't become old; she was starting to have a harder and harder time staying enthused for the whole class. So next week she starts the "Mini Munckins" gymnastics class for 3-4 1/2 year olds. "Girls and boys will learn gymnastics concepts through movement exploration. Concepts will include body, space, and motion awareness, as well as developing social skills and creativity. Balance, strength, coordination, and self-confidence is enhanced through manipulative and non-manipulative gymnastic drills." is the blurb on their web site. We'll see what she thinks. Right now she's pretty excited at the concept that there's a whole class whose main purpose is to let her jump and tumble and hang and balance. We'll see how she fares in a more organized setting (as opposed to the free-for-all at the local playground :-)). If she doesn't like it, we'll go back to soccer; try and find out which class BFF is in if he still goes. Or we'll just continue our morning saturday routine of hitting the playgrounds at 8:30am (bring a towel if you go that early. two towels if it's a big climber :-))

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Zoo-mazing

We went to the Zoo today. We saw Lions, Tigers, and Bears (oh BOY did we see bears!) Zebras, Gazelles, Tapirs, Elephants, Monkeys, Orangutans, Eagles, River Otters, Giraffes (we even fed them!) Elk, Mountain Goats, and a really big snake, among countless other animals. We started our adventure at 9:30am on a cool, overcast day - perfect time and weather for getting great glimpses of animals on the move, up close and personal. And Bobbin walked everywhere we went, which explains why she consumed the following throughout the day after having 6-pancakes (mini pancakes but still), 2-servings of oranges, a multi-vitamin gummi bear and 2 glasses of Watermelon juice for breakfast

- at least a dozen large strawberries
- 3 large slices of cheddar cheese
- 1 serving of watermelon
- half a baggie of cheese crackers
- 2 hotdogs (sans bun)
- 2 servings of large green seedless grapes
- half a dozen peeled baby carrots (raw)
- a serving of blueberries
- 1 and 1/2 cobs of corn
- 2 oz of "steak on a stick"
- several glasses of water

Talk about well balanced; I think we hit on all the food groups at least twice today and the only colour of the food rainbow we missed was purple.

She also had NO nap. At all. Up at 7am and didn't stop moving until 8pm. I ended up taking a nap but she opted to "play quietly in the living room with Daddy". Well, ok then.

So she's out like a light right now after having a bath, a story, and hitting the potty. Ooooh boy, I don't have to tell you that was not a pleasant aroma after all that stuff. I don't know if Bobbin did it or Tim did but I went back in a few minutes later and actually found the fan switched on!

I got my 30 minutes of exercise in on the elliptical; that's just the exercise I measured. I figure I got much more than that in actuality between the walk around the zoo, the rousing game of "EMERGENCY" Bobbin roped me into outside on her climber as we waited for dinner, and the breathless game of soccer we got into after that.

EMERGENCY was entirely of Bobbin's own making and entailed throwing Kitty off the top of her climber and yelling HELP HELP GET THE AMBULANCE CALL ONE ONE ONE" (she's still learning about 911 and doesn't always get the digits right). Then Bobbin would put her firefighter hat on (backwards; ie she'd wear it like a "baseball" hat) and slide down the slide yelling WOOOOoooooo WOOOOOooooo at the top of her lungs. Then she'd jump down from the bottom of the slide and, with hands making steering motions, would run at full speed around and around the climber and back field until she arrived at the injured party. She would scoop Kitty up and drive her back to the hospital at the top of the climber by climbing up the slide. There, she would take off her firefighter hat and become Doctor Bobbin and would get to work saving kitty's life by listening to her heart and breathing, giving her needles in her abdomen, checking her ears, and taking her temperature and blood pressure. Kitty was almost a goner there for a bit - her first temp reading on the Fisher-Price thermometer was 45, according to Doctor Bobbin. Her second one was thankfully, a much more reasonable 2 miles and Doctor Bobbin was visibly relieved to note the improvement. We're so glad Kitty finally came back to us. Alas, she'd recover only to get thrown off the top of the climber once again and have the whole scenario repeated. Sometimes the effort was a rescue attempt to get Kitty before the Dragons could breathe fire on her. Sometimes there was actually a fire and we all had to gather up at the top of the climber to escape the burning trees and destruction.

When the imagination games finally wound down, we played soccer up and down the hill, Bobbin doing most of the running as I was instructed not to try to take the ball away.

But it was all goodness. We had a great day. Zed and her parents joined us at the Zoo and Bobbin and Zed seemed to have so much fun together. Until we were in the cave in the Zoomazium and Bobbin was explaining to us that it was were Dinosaurs live; I asked without thinking, "Really? What sound do they make?" and Bobbin belted out a ROOOOAAAAARRRRRRRR that had me holding my ears in this enclosed little cavern, and that sent poor Zed into sobs of fright. Bobbin asked what happened when she saw Zed crying, and was quite concerned for her but I thought it best to just tell her that Zed was feeling tired and wanted to go home. Best not to reveal the fact to Bobbin that she has the power to scare other children with her monster scary godzilla voice. She doesn't need to have that knowledge yet.

After we got home and I napped, Uncle Rich arrived to help Tim with the wood that we finally got around to getting cut up into 2x4s from that tree that fell over 2 years ago. (We're a little slow :-), and he stayed for dinner. Then we had a rousing game of "Hungry Hungry Hippos". Bobbin explained the whole game to a patiently listening Uncle Rich, telling him which button to press when, and what you were supposed to do when the marbles were in the middle. Then Tim joined the fun, and I managed to catch a couple of pictures that I'll have to post later. She loves that game almost as much as her Elefun game from Aunt Patti and Uncle Les last year. What kid wouldn't love Elefun: a plastic elephant that blows little cloth butterflies out his plastic trunk as a fan spins in his butt. The kids run around with little butterfly nets trying to catch them. The one with the most butterflies wins, but we actually haven't gotten to the point of caring who wins. It's the act of playing that is the reward. Hungry Hungry Hippos has the same thing going on; who has the most marbles is not as much fun as all the silliness that ensues as your trying to get your hippo to make a grab for one, and pushing the buttons to release all the marbles at once!

Tomorrow it's back to work and back to school for all. Bobbin's supposed to move from "Early Preschool" to "Big Preschool". We'll see how it goes.

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5 years worth celebrating!

Yesterday, Saturday August 30th, as many of you are aware, was Tim and my 5 year anniversary :-) And it just keeps getting better and better every year :-). I managed to squeeze an hour walk in during Bobbin's nap, which I'm glad I did because we went to Yarrow Bay Grill and had an absolutely heavenly dinner with perfect wine and scrumptious dessert. So I'm glad I did a little extra during the day in anticipation :-)

Getting out of the house was the only downer of the evening. We had Miss B over to babysit Bobbin. Miss B is also a teacher at Bobbin's school and Bobbin really likes her. Except when she's here because Mommy and Daddy are going out without her. I don't even have the energy to replay the scenario here for you; it was too long, too emotional, too mentally and emotionally and at times physically hard. But we got out even as I was running over rocks in my silk stocking-d feet since my heels don't do well on our gravel path. Oh - yeah - worth mentioning: I wore a SKIRT and a NICE BLOUSE and even some JEWELRY on my EARS AND around my NECK. and MAKEUP.

Bobbin had her fair share of makeup on when we left too, from her beauty session with Mommy. She's convinced she needs to "keep me company" no matter what I'm doing. Most of the time I enjoy it. But there is one thing that I like to do in the bathroom alone with no audience. Actually two. And you think you know which two that is, don't you. Alas most of you would be wrong. I had long ago given up on peeing and pooping in private and much to Tim's chagrin I even find myself leaving the door open by habit for all passersby to see even when Bobbin hasn't accompanied me. What are you gonna do. But what I have not yet caved on is that Mommy gets to have Showers and Baths in private. No watching.

That set her off for quite some time. Tim had to close the gate to the back part of the house to ensure she couldn't get back there. I locked the bathroom door too just in case she figured out how to climb over. I got peace, for the most part, outside, but there was little peace inside as I stood in my shoiwer trying to calculate the minimum minutes I needed to wash and deep condition my hair, exfoliate my face and then give it a moisture mask while shaving my under arms and legs and then rinsing all the head and face gunk off, putting on loition, spraying in volume stuff, doing my makeup and trying on the 3 new bras I bought at the shopping store but not knowing which one fit me because I didn't want to try them on at the store.

I let her in after I was out of the shower and robed. And she went straight for the makeup drawer. "What's this for?" and I would tell her it's cheek blush. And she'd brush some on her cheeks and forehead. "And this?" that was eyeshadow; when she learned how it was applied she preferred instead to apply it to her temples and forehead. Lipgloss was easy - she's used it before. My little princess, Into the girly girl stuff. Well... so far only when I'm into it (which is apparently once every 6 months or so).

When we left it just plain sucked. But by 7:40pm she was eating icecream and watching nemo. If those two things were happening I had a pretty high degree of confidence that she was ok and if she wasn't ok on the inside, then she was filling her insides with things that she loves to compensate for it (ugh really need to learn how to finish a thought and move on).

When we got home she was out like a light. We had promised we'd wake her. we both gave it our best shot but she was not to be woken. She stirred a little and might have mumbled something but for the most part, immovable. unreachable. So we kissed her and hugged her and went to bed.

Completely unrelated note; just doesn't warrant its own post: With yesterdays 1 hour walk on the trail I met my goal! barely but met it. Today I started off a new week with a full 60 minutes on the elliptical watching Point Break (or is it Break Point?)... the surfer movie with Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze. It's a fine exercise movie. Can't imagine it's good for much else though.

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15 hours and the power of suggestion

Bobbin did not have a nap today at school. But I decided to give Friday Night festivities a try regardless. Brave, I know. But she did great! You'd never have known that this kid had been awake and active since 6:45am. Happy, sharing, playing nicely, remembering her manners, entertaining herself.

On the drive home at precisely 9:46pm, as she was chit-chatting about what she wants to be when she grows up - a fire fighter or a doctor or a police officer or an astronaut or an airplane pilot or a soccer player or the president of the United States - I stifled a yawn since I too, had been awake since 6:45am. She glanced at me questioningly and I said "boy am I tired! Are you tired, Bobbin?" She replied with a yes and right then, as I was watching, she closed her eyes and promptly fell sound asleep.

I tried rousing her enough to get her to sit on her potty when we got home. She got her butt on the seat and then promptly fell over in my lap like limp spaghetti. I whispered pee pee sounds in her ears to try and get her body to let go but to no avail. She opened her eyes briefly and said "Mommy, I want to sleep" and then was out again. I think I managed to remind her that if she felt the need to pee she should wake up and call me and I'd help her. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we don't wake up in the middle of the night with a wet bed.

15 consecutive hours is how long she was awake today before settling sound asleep in her bed. I'm exhausted after 15 hours of being awake and I haven't had a 1-2 hour nap in the middle of the day since... well... ok, to be honest, it was Saturday. Still, it's a rare occurrence. I can only imagine how exhausted her little body and mind are!

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One down, two to go; and hell hath no fury like an injured preschooler

Despite all odds and the deck stacked against me I did it. It wasn't easy. It wasn't pretty. But it was 60 minutes.

Yesterday Bobbin fell on the concrete at school and scraped both knees bloody. It happened when Tim went to pick her up. She was in her mischevious mood - her "My teacher is about to tell you how I didn't lay quietly at nap time and was kicking the bookcase and not listening to her words so I'm gonna run away so you can't start lecturing me" mood. As she was running, she tripped and fell. That's when all hell broke loose, and