The line for the elevator, as seen from the stairs

The line for the elevator, as seen from the stairs, originally uploaded by heathcseattle.

Sent from my mobile phone

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Three random things

1) Jon Stewart totally rocked on the Daily Show tonight. I burned an extra 75 calories on the elliptical and some immeasurable amount more laughing my ass off.

2) Tim has been taking Rivers for a walk every morning for the past 5 days. 2 miles. While I'm so very proud of him, I'm also insanely jealous. Not of Rivers. Of Tim. I wish I could walk outside for two miles every day. In the morning when I have the energy too. I'm tired of the 8pm elliptical routine.

3) Listening to NPR in my car on the drive home as I normally do, I caught a story about how the Tennessee Board of Dentistry unanimously approved a policy that limits the prescribing and dispensing of teeth whitening gels or pastes to licensed dentists, or licensed dental hygienists and registered dental assistants under the direct supervision of a licensed dentist. I guess in Tennessee there was quite a booming teeth whitening kiosk business. The argument that the Dentistry Board made against allowing unlicensed "practicioners" to administer teeth whitening gel to "patients" was that

"To ensure the safety of the public, the board ruled that only licensed dental professionals should be authorized to apply teeth whitening formulations to patients."

Now, I'm really pretty indifferent to the whole cosmetic industry, whether it be stuff you plaster on your face, have injected into your lips, have sucked out of your stomach, or have bleached into your roots or soaked into your skin. Whatever makes people feel good about themselves is just fine with me. I personally think the whole botox and collagen-injection thing is not for me. But I'd be lying if I haven't at least given a fleeting thought to stomach fat removal if/when we win the big lottery. And I do get my hair coloured every few months to hide those greys. And I've been known to indulge in facials and put on makeup for special occasions. And yes, I even got a chemically induced tan before our honeymoon trip to Italy (I'm normally so pale I glow in the dark. I just wanted to feel a bit more comfortable in my pasty skin :-) Those are things that make me feel good. Heck, I even did take a stab at whitening my teeth before my wedding (but the stuff tasted so awful, and left my gums hurting so much I ended up having to give it up. Didn't make much of a difference anyway, since my teeth are pretty white to begin with, what with my no caffeine rule :-)).

But the main argument that the dental board has made seems to be a little bit lacking and at least to me, I am quite sure the main concern is not about public safety, but about trying to preserve a revenue stream that has been quite profitable to the dental industry.

1) There are plenty of over the counter counter whitening products available. By the dental board's argument, shouldn't those be removed from shelves and made available only by prescription? And yet the policy quite clearly states that over the counter products are not affected.

2) They interviewed one of the board members on NPR and the argument that he made was that these products could in fact pose a hazard if applied to someone who has gum disease, or dental issues and that only a licensed dental professional would be able to diagnose and judge whether or not this would be a problem. That seems a little odd to me. By that same logic, shouldn't I only be able to get a facial from a licensed dermatologist? Because some of those products can cause real problems if you use them on sensitive skin, or if you have allergies to any of the ingredients, or even if you're just currently taking antibiotics. And yet I can walk into any spa and sign a piece of paper that says I have no known allergies and am not taking antibiotics, and enjoy a relaxing facial with products laden with alpha hydroxies and acids and skin peeling chemicals that could leave me blind, covered in a rash, steam or chemical burns, or worse. And the person performing the procedure most definitely does not have a medical degree with a specialization in dermatology. And I can have my nose pores prodded and pricked with medical-like instruments to squeeze out the dirt and pick up a bacterial infection, or at least suffer a minor nose bleed or stab wound in the process. Not to mention the damage I can do to myself with those over-the-counter products. Dangerous stuff.

You know you want a facial now, don't you.

3) The board member also argued that by wearing white lab coats they are creating an impression that they are licensed dental professionals and thus deceiving the public into a false sense of security. My hair colourist wears a white lab coat. Yet I've never assumed she holds a medical degree. My facial person does too. And that metal pore poking thingie she wields like a weapon looks pretty doctorish. And yet I've never thought she was anything more than a beauty school graduate. Albeit one who is very very good at what she does. I almost always fall asleep when I get a facial :-) Granted, if I were into botox or collagen injections I think I would prefer to have that done by someone with a license for performing minor medical procedures and who has some formal training of how that stuff works in your body.

Now, if these kiosk people were actually TELLING clients that they were licensed medical professionals, or hanging certificates or handing out business cards implying the same then I'd definitely think they might be trying to create a false impression. But otherwise they're not wearing or doing anything different than what I see employees of a spa wearing and doing.

And so, really, I think this is all about the money the dental industry is afraid they are losing because these people are offering more convenient and cheaper solutions.

And those are my three random things.

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Mixin' it up

I've been needing to add some new music to my workout play list. I think I've found a winner:

Lyrics aren't exactly E for Everyone, but it's got a great beat and I never exercise until after Bobbin's in bed, and only with headphones.

If you haven't seen the actual hissy fit, here it is in all its glory.

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This is what passes for a "Snow Day" in Western WA.

This is what passes for a "Snow Day" in Western WA., originally uploaded by heathcseattle.

They cancelled all school in all districts today fo this because "there's a chance we'll see a lot of snow at some point".

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Probably not the original plan, but effective nontheless...

Police Chief Shoots Self while Teaching Daughter Gun Safety

There's a Berenstain Bear book in there somewhere...

Hooray! Hooray!
We're on our way!
The local Gun Show
starts today!

And here we are.
What a wonderful trip!
Let's find us an Uzi!
Let's let 'er rip!

[Mama Bear]
Papa bear
Don't you forget
you should never use guns
while you are lit

[Papa Bear]
Don't you worry.
Don't you fear.
I've only had three
bottles of beer.

[Small Bear]
I'm watching, Dad
I'm all set to go!

[Papa Bear]
Then here is the first rule
you should know.
Always check to make sure,
When cleaning your Glock,
That it's not loaded or else
You might shoot yourself (BAM!) F*CK!

[Small Bear]
Yes! That's a good one.
And I think you should know
You're bleeding all over
Mom's new cashmere throw.

I could go on... but I don't really need to :-)

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Black Friday in more ways than one

Wal-Mart clerk dies as crowd rushes store

"Customers shouted angrily and kept shopping when store officials said they were closing because of the death"

"At least four other people, including a woman who was eight months pregnant, were taken to hospitals for observation or minor injuries"

"Items on sale at the store included a Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV for $798, a Bissel Compact Upright Vacuum for $28, a Samsung 10.2 megapixel digital camera for $69 and DVDs such as "The Incredible Hulk" for $9."

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Not really making the case...

It's that time of year again, and our mailbox is flooded with catalogs touting the latest and greatest "must-have" toys for preschoolers this holiday season.

Amongst all the crap, I did find one item that piqued my interest, so I went to research it further online at the manufacturer's web site.

In addition to the manufacturer's description, the web site also allowed for customers to leave their comments and to rate the product they purchased. This is the very first customer comment that was listed for the product I was researching:

My husband and I had decided to homeschool [our son] during preschool. This [product] has been a wonderful help! The art center, letter recognitation, counting are a wonderul assistant to teh work that we are already doing with him.

I hope the thing has a spelling and grammar checker...

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Yet another avoidable tragedy involving guns and kids

It seems every week, there's another example of parents with a complete lack of judgement and sense of responsibility when it comes to guns and children.

October 27th it was an 8-year-old boy who killed himself at a gun show.

November 10th it was an 8-year-old boy who's facing charges of murdering his father with a gun.

This week it's a 6-year-old girl who was fatally shot by her father as he cleaned his guns while downing shots of Vodka. The other side note in this story that is almost irrelevant given the tragedy that did ensue, was that the father had "told detectives he had asked his daughter to bring him the .45-caliber handgun" in the first place. So we could have been reading about an entirely different story about a 6-year old girl shooting herself while dutifully bringing her father his gun. Either way you go, not a happy ending.

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When are people going to figure out that 8-year-olds should not be allowed to handle guns?

On October 27th I posted a link to an article about an 8-year-old boy who killed himself at a gun show. Tragic and senseless and completely avoidable had the parent had even a modicum of common sense or sound judgement.

Today I read an article about an 8-year-old boy who's facing charges of murdering his father and shooting a second victim.

The caption under the headline photo is "The Rev. John Paul Sauter said Vincent Romero, 29, had consulted him about whether [Romero's son] should have a gun." Because apparently, it's not inherently obvious to parents in this country that 8 years old is just TOO FRIGGIN' YOUNG for handling a deadly weapon. No matter what the law permits.

I have my issues with the gun laws and the general "second amendment" interpretation. I've resigned myself to the fact that I've chosen to live in a country where guns are considered an inherent "right" by many and that the laws that "regulate" them (and I use that term very loosely) are what they are, and are not likely to change. Fine. But really - just because the law doesn't prohibit it, does that mean it's ok to do it or allow it?

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WTF?

8 year old boy accidentally kills self at gun show

Reading this story made me sick.

Also, I did not know that "It is legal for children to fire a weapon if they have permission from a parent or legal guardian and are supervised by a properly certified and licensed instructor". Seriously? Really? That is SO fucked up. It's not legal for an 8 year old to drive a car. It's not legal for an 8 year old to drink. But it's perfectly legal for an 8 year old to go down to the local gun show and shoot an Uzi submachine gun.

But that's just the tip of the iceberg on gun ownership and operation laws in this country. I have so, so many problems with this on so many levels.

"The boy lost control of the weapon while firing it". No frickin' kidding. I would lose control of the weapon too upon firing, I'm sure, and I'm a full grown adult. He was EIGHT. Where's the parent's judgement? Forget about judgement, even. Where's the basic logic?

Not to mention what's the lesson that was intended by allowing the kid to fire the gun?

I'm too disgusted and depressed to get into all the other stuff I'm thinking about this.

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Extreme

I took Bobbin to soccer today. The new class she's in doesn't "require" parent participation on the field; encourages the kids to go on the field by themselves. Most of us parents though, end up starting out on the field and slowly backing off to the sidelines once things get going :-) And throughout the "game", Robyn and other kids will run back to the sidelines for a quick hug and kiss :-) She's doing really well with this arrangement. It helps that her BFF is in the same class with her. She starts off shy but quickly gets into her groove once all the running and ball kicking starts.

So we're there this morning, and Bobbin is on the field with the other kids, and this mom and her daughter - can't be more than 3 years old - show up a bit late. The mom tells the little girl to go ahead out on the field and the little girl freaks out and begs her mom to come with her. Her mom refuses, and tells her to go out there now. The little girl launches a temper tantrum, crying and screaming and begging not to go. The mom starts shouting "I'm sick and tired of these tantrums". I can relate to the emotion and frustration in her voice; a day of tantrums is really really really rough. And I take antidepressants. Then the mom yells "Get on the field NOW". More crying and screaming. The Mom then says "If you're not going to play soccer, then give me your soccer uniform. It's mine". At this point the hysterics get much louder and I stand aside from where I had been watching Bobbin and turn around and see that the mom has stripped her daughter down naked except for her underpants, right in the middle of the soccer arena - kids and parents and coaches everywhere - and starts marching her down towards the main area in nothing but her undies. The little girl is in tears. I was in tears. I wanted to reach out and hug the little girl. I wanted to keep her warm. I wanted to at least wrap something around her for her to be comfortable. I did nothing. I did not know what I could do or should do. I suck. And felt ashamed and like a horrible human being for witnessing this and doing nothing.

About 5 minutes later the little girl was back, fully clothed, with her father. She was not crying. She was holding her father's hand. I did not see the mother. The father took her out onto the field and she went without crying. He stayed with her a bit as they played. He slowly backed off the field; the same routine the rest of us parents took. For a few seconds she was ok, but then she ran back to her father, who scooped her up and carried her away.

I still feel sick to my stomach. For what I watched and also what I didn't do.

Every mom has those moments. You've been listening to the tantrums and fighting the battle of wills too much and you just want it to stop. And you say or do something you'd never have done in a level headed, logical moment. It's tiring and hard, and draining. So I can see how a person gets there. I've been there. It's once your there and what you decide to do about it that matters. Yelling... I've done it. Threatening the loss of a special treat ("No McDonalds at lunch" or "No movie after dinner"). Yup. Locking myself in my room for some "quiet time". Done it. Carried my daughter out of a public place because she was screaming and throwing food. Yup. Straight to the car and home. But this was extreme. Before I got to the point that I was stripping my daughter down naked in a public place and forcing her to walk through the building while berating her for being a crying baby, I believe I'd get quiet, pick her up, carry her to the car, and just go home. And then later we'd talk about what the issue was with soccer. If Tim was with me and I was feeling that overwhelmed, before I got to that point I'd hand him the reigns and go to the bathroom and have myself a quiet cry. In either case, my daughter wouldn't be forced onto a field she didn't want to be on to play a game she didn't want to play, with a bunch of strangers she didn't know in order to avoid being stripped down to her underpants as punishment.

What would you do if you had been me?

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Yes, yes, I'm afraid I did.

Daily Show was a repeat, so tonight's hour long session on the elliptical was completed watching... wait for it... the series premiere of the new 90210.

The story lines are just as vapid as the ones in the original series; perhaps even moreso. The characters just as shallow and token. I learned some new teen lingo... "sick" is apparently synonymous with the old '80's "awesome". Sick. Dude.

But I got my 60 minutes done (which makes 2 days in a row; although yesterday's show was the season premiere of Dr. Phil). And not a moment too soon, because the next show on "The CW" was the series premiere of "Privileged". I'm proud to say I missed that one.

Oh, and "The CW" is definitely one channel that is going on the parental controls block list.

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This is a new one; what do they want?

Every now and then I like to dip into my "junk" email folder to see what new and interesting spam I'm receiving these days. Most of them are not new or interesting. But today I received an odd one, even for spam. And I'm not entirely sure what they're trying to accomplish with it. It doesn't really appear to serve any sort of purpose (eg phishing, computer virus, advertising). I've published it below. ("Company" name and sender withheld so as not to provide them with any free advertising :-))

Greetings,

You have received this letter because your posted CV met our criterion and we are interested in discussing a job opportunity with you.

The "_____ Company" (_____ Furniture) was established in 1958. Our staff of 70 members specialize in the production of exclusive upholstered furniture.Our philosophy is quite simple: Only the best is good enough. We research on the basis of tried-and-tested products which we then translate into the design language of the 21st century.The design of our upholstered furniture has a characteristic profile. Research into seating, medicine and technology provides us with new discoveries which help us to perfect our upholstered furniture designs. In "_____ Company" we believe that our professional staff is the primary asset to the company. Therefore, in order to be maximally effective in this fierce business we will to provide the best working conditions for our employees. Being a member of our team will give you an opportunity to have:

• Fixed annual salary of $108,000 with successive increases;
• Multiple financial bonuses (e.g. for housewives or extra hours);
• Medical insurance for all family;
• Qualified support and detailed instructions from the experienced managers;
• Professional assistance with effective techniques of paying off personal dept (e.g. credit cards, student loans, mortgage);
• Challenging experience in the highly perspective field of business with great future career possibilities.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact us at _____.

Regards,

HR Manager, _____ Company

Aside from the fact that I have no idea why a) my resume, even if they did have it, would have matched their profile b) they refer to their own company name in "quotes", and c) a reputable furniture company with 50 years history doesn't have any kind of web presence to be found - and I tried multiple search engines - the thing about this email that caught my eye was the second bullet. What does that mean exactly? That I can use the multiple financial bonuses to purchase housewives? And I can have more than one? Sweet. Of course, I'll have to check with Tim first to make sure he's comfortable that. And we might have to move to another state so it's legal. All in all, I think I'll just stay where I'm at.

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Values

Driving around town in the smart car in recent weeks, I get the thumbs up from just about everyone who looks my way. By far though, the biggest surprises have been the motorcyclists and the preteen girls who wave, smile, and yell out "I LOVE YOUR CAR!" The preteen girls in particular actually have engaged me in conversation about the environmental impact and gas mileage. Kudos to them, and their parents.

Today on my way to the Seahawks game, with Bobbin sitting next to me, I found myself slowed to a crawl on I-5. A combination of southbound 405 being closed, the Seahawks preseason opening game, and an accident just south of downtown made for a hellish drive. It took us an hour to get downtown and that was taking the fast route.

As I creeped along at 5 miles an hour along with everyone else, a giant white Ford Excursion started approaching in the left lane, which was moving every so slightly faster (as Murphy's law dictates it should). There were two adults in the vehicle - both "men" (really, their behaviour does not warrant that mature a label) who looked to be in their mid-20's. Like I said, it was slow, so I got a good look inside and nary a car seat to be found. The back was full of crap near as I could tell. It looked like a single guy's vehicle. As he passed me in the left lane, the driver actually reached over his passenger and stared straight at me and gave me the finger. I have no freakin' clue why. He then drove on, but barely ahead of me. I got the opportunity to pass him a few minutes later, still slugging along at 5 miles an hour.

Had I not had Bobbin in the seat next to me, a string of explitives would have passed my lips and I would have rolled down my window, shouted "What the FUC|<, A$$HOLE?" and reciprocated the gesture. Of course doing so can get one shot here in the grand ol' U.S. of A. So I probably wouldn't have rolled down my window and stuck my finger out at him, but I definitely would have been cursing loudly and gesturing angrily below the dashboard.

Well, I'm not sitting beside Bobbin right now, and even if she was here, I'm pretty sure she can't read yet, so MR. D|(KHEAD WHITE EXCURSION: Here's to you and your CLEARLY superior intelligence and maturity. And while you're pouring over $550 a month in gas into your guzzler and barely scraping enough together to cover your rent/mortgage, monthly car payments, season tickets, and Monday nights out drinking with "the guys", I'll be tootin' merrily along in my 40mpg Smart Car, spending one quarter of that same amount in gas per month and squirreling enough away to pay our mortgage off early AND send Bobbin to Harvard.

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It's not a bladder problem.

Random workout contemplation as I watched tv this evening while doing my 60 minute workout.

Have you seen that Detrol commercial on tv... the one where the woman is teaching a class and keeps looking up at the clock anxiously as she waits for the bell to ring to signal the end of the school day so she can run to the bathroom and empty her bladder? And the little blue "female" symbol on the restroom door hops down off the placard and follows her into the bathroom and starts telling her about how Detrol can control that "got to go" feeling you get all the time when you have an overactive bladder. The teacher sits rapt with attention, staring into the blue circle that is the symbol's "head" as the symbol proceeds to type on the keyboard and pull the Detrol web site up on her computer.

That lady doesn't need bladder control medication. She needs to check herself in to a detox center and get off the hallucinogens.

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Anytime between 10 and noon?

Making a doctor's appointment on the phone this morning:

Scheduler: (after collecting the pertinent information) Ok, and is there a day that works best for you?
Me: Well, I'll be on vacation the entire week of July 28th so I could do any of those days.
Scheduler: Excellent, and is there a time of day that works better?
Me: Anytime between 10am and noon would be great.
Scheduler: Ok, Great! Let's see... I have an 8:20am appointment available, would that work for you?
Me: Anytime between 10am and noon?
Scheduler: Oh, right. You did say that. I'm sorry! Ok then... how about 9am on the 29th?
Me (forcing cheerfulness): Anytime between 10am and noon?
Scheduler: Oh. Well... umm.... OH! I have a 10am appointment available! Will that work?
Me: Yes, that'd be great. Thanks.

She was cheery and polite and all, but definitely having a space cadet moment.

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More dumb parents

I've created a new category on my blog just for all the stories of idiotic parents that seem to be making headlines these days . And none of them have had anything to do with Britney.

Here' s the latest

Parents post baby on eBay for 1 Euro

It takes a unique kind of dumbass parent to think that this gag would NOT result in the cops and CPS coming to knock on their door the same day to take away their kid and launch an investigation into child trafficking. Of course, it doesn't take much intelligence to deduce that they really must be just parents with a bad sense of humour that completely misses the mark as opposed to actual child traffickers.

As usual, it's the child that ends up getting screwed. As with all the rest of the stories, the parents may be perfectly nurturing and loving people but their complete lapse in judgement ended up costing their kid a fair bit of completely unnecessary psychological trauma.

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Maybe it's time to slow down a little, folks

Harried family forgets tot in Vancouver airport

Seriously?

First, a father who is clearly capable of reading English "accidentally" purchases a mainstream alcoholic beverage for his seven year old son.

Now 3 supposedly competent and caring adult family members sharing responsibility for one single toddler under the age of 2 leave the kid stranded in an airport and still don't even realize they left him behind until they get a phone call mid-flight from the ground crew?

People. Hello?

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In what universe...

Every once in a while (ok... maybe like every once in two weeks :-)) I can't resist the urge to pick up one of the trashy hollywood gossip magazines from the checkout line at the grocery store. It's like candy for my overloaded, overstressed, mind. At the beginning of these rags they always have shots of celebrities wearing or toting the latest fashion accessories. In the magazine I picked up this week, the focus was on handbags. Next to the picture of a smiling celeb carrying an upscale looking version of a typical canvas grocery bag, was the caption "This roomy, limited-edition Kooba bag is made from eco-friendly cotton canvas and cork! And at $245, it's wallet-friendly, too!"

Not sure whose wallet they're referring to, but that's definitely waaaay out of my price range for just about any single clothing item, let alone a canvas bag. I'll stick with my green canvas PCC grocery bag, thank you :-)

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Harnessing the power and adreneline of emotion

Ever wonder what anger and moral outrage is worth? An hours worth is approximately 80 calories, I've discovered.

I did my usual 60 minute workout this evening on the elliptical. I've been averaging about 580 calories per 1 hour workout. Normally I watch The Daily Show followed by The Colbert Report. It's an easy hour filled with laughs and a pleasant way to work up a sweat and burn 580 calories without really noticing it too much.

Today, however, is Saturday. And neither show airs on the weekend. So I found myself surfing through the channel guide and landing on The Lifetime channel, watching a teen angst movie called "Odd Girl Out". Yeah, it's about exactly what you think it is about. Mean girls singling out the quirky and smart girl (on tv they're always cute too; totally unfair); completely ostracizing her by posting crap on the internet, luring her to fake events and then video taping her disappointed face, and eventually driving her to attempt suicide by sleeping pill overdose. It's a Lifetime movie, so it has a... uh... "happy" ending, in that the odd girl out recovers and regains the mental strength to go back to school to graduate from 8th grade with her class despite the continued mental and emotional bullying, and at the end in a crowd full of her peers, she finally confronts the main instigator and equates her to a flesh eating disease, ending the movie with the line " You have nothing I want", and walking away triumphantly with the one friend that stuck by her through everything (well, the last 15 minutes of the movie anyway; she never made an appearance in the first 45 minutes I watched. Weird. well. not really).

I ran the gambit of emotions - recalling my own pre-teen angst in grades 6-8 in particular and the constant insecurity I still maintained through high school and even university to some extent. I thought of Bobbin, today only 2 1/2 years old but someday having to run the marathon obstacle course that is middle and high school and hoping like hell she has a better time of it than I did, and is a better and strong person than I was, and that she is spared the pain and self doubt that I suffered through it all. And I was angry. Angry at the characters in the movie, even though I recognized the movie for what it was, and at the people in my real life back in middle and high school that I could cast in those same roles. And disgust and moral outrage that this crap continues in perpetuity. Lessons are never learned. Things never change. And worry because now there' s the internet, mobile text messaging, multi-party conference calling, instant video and photo uploads and mobile blogging (many technologies I am helping to sustain in the daily work I am paid to do), online "social networks", a PC on every desk and a mobile phone in every pocket, and a myriad of other "advances" that can do so much greater damage than the note passing and wall graffiti and prank calls of my youth. And how are you supposed to combat that?

And before I knew it my workout was over, and I had burned a total of 630 calories. And I was still raring to go. Luckily, the movie had another 5 minutes left so I moved over to the stationary bike and burned another 30 watching the grand finale.

It's apparently Teen Drama Weekend on the Lifetime channel. An opportunity exists for me to burn another 80 extra calories tomorrow. Of course, there's the question of whether it is mentally healthy to expose one's self to this much teen angst even if you are burning off the extra energy as you do so.

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The honeymoon is over

iTunes has been one hurdle to the iPhone I've had a difficult time overcoming. I just hate the user experience. It's non-intuitive for me, which seems odd, considering user experience and intuitiveness seems to be what Apple is generally good at.

Anyway... it was a burden I had been willing to bear for the sake of all the other wonderfulness that is the iPhone.

However, here I am, blogging from my COMPUTER instead of my iPhone for the first time in literally days.

Why?

I tried upgrading my iPhone software to the much anticipated "1.1.1" release so that I could get that magic "itunes" button on my screen and download music directly from the iTunes store over wifi (a much needed feature since I'm unable to really get iTunes to play with our multi-gigabyte networked music library and thus have yet to download much less listen to a single song on my iPhone)

The upgrade failed, giving me some useless, non-descript error message and a useless, specific error number.

Since then, iTunes has failed to even recognize my iPhone and my iPhone has failed to move past the "Please Connect to iTunes" screen. In other words, my iTunes and my iPhone are at an impass.

Reinstalling iTunes and rebooting my computer did not resolve the problem. Nor did switching USB ports. Nor did doing a hard reset, and then a hard reboot, of the phone itself. Nor did all of those things repeated in every possible order combination yield any better results.

But the last straw? The last straw, was that calling customer service revealed to me that the iPhone does NOT have 24x7 technical support. AT&T customer service just passes you off to the "iPhone specialists" which happens to be Apple's tech support line, and Apple's tech support line tells you to call back during business hours.

So here I sit, with a useless phone and a lot of pent up anger. Which does not bode well for the customer service person that gets to resolve my issue face-to-face tomorrow during business hours. Add the fact that their business hours also happen to be my business hours so I don't have a whole lotta time to be haggling with customer service repsover the phone or in person, and I'm thinking that by tomorrow I'll probably be so fed up I may just end up chucking my phone at someone's head. And I don't think the warranty covers that.

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No yoga for young'uns

I thought the heated debate over whether or not to teach Darwin in public schools was stupid enough. Now it appears Yoga is under attack.

Yoga Causes Controversy in Public Schools: Some parents say it violates church and state (Associated Press).

"Christian fundamentalists and even some secular parents lobbied the school board. They argued that yoga's Hindu roots conflicted with Christian teachings and that using it in school might violate the separation of church and state."

Umm... where do I begin with the paradox in that statement?

"'It's pretty simple: Yoga is a religious practice in Hinduism. It's the way to reach enlightenment. To bring it to the west and bill it as a scientific practice for fitness is dishonest,' said Hunt, 80."

"'I've talked to too many people who got hooked on the spiritual deception of yoga. They come to believe in this and become enamored with Hinduism or eastern mysticism,' he said."

It's a conspiracy. Don't let the peace of mind, calmness, physical, emotional and mental well-being that you feel when you practice yoga fool you. It's all bad bad evil stuff designed to lure you away from christianity. Beware! Beware!

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Weekend Update

In summary:

speeding car collides with the electrical pole at the end of our driveway and takes out our power for half the day and night. Power crew repairs said pole and takes out our phone after restoring the power, for the rest of the night and half the next day. We finally now have power and phone. I'll leave the gory details for Tim to share.

Between Tim's whacked-out work schedule the last few days; Bobbin's ear tube surgery; my 3 days of diarrhea, trip to the ER this weekend, and a cold that's hung around for 3 weeks; losing power (and thus heat) for all of the afternoon and half the night; losing our phone (and thus internet access) for almost 24 hours; and on top of all of that, it being way too cold outside to be fun, I'm more than just a little tired and cranky.

Suffice it to say, we're all looking forward to monday and getting out of the damn house and back into the real world. But when we do, we'll be looking both ways very carefully before pulling out of our driveway (that is the 3rd car to wreck at our driveway in a year. Because the morons around here like to do 60 downhill on the blind curve just before our driveway).

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Oh good lord

As if the T.M.X Elmo doll wasn't enough, now there is the

"Barbie Loves T.M.X. Elmo" doll.

Yeah. Barbie dressed in an Elmo t-shirt, carrying an elmo purse, and with her very own barbie-sized elmo doll that even giggles when you press his belly.

I'm thinkin' that Barbie sales must be down, if they're having her start milking from the T.M.X cash cow...

And NO... we don't need or want one! :-)

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Do these people hear themselves?

I pity their publicists.

[Lindsay] Lohan Wants to Visit U.S. Troops in Iraq

" Lohan ... says she hoped to emulate Marilyn Monroe"

"'It's so amazing seeing [Marylin Monroe] just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who's basically a pinup, which is what I've always aspired to be,' Lohan tells the magazine, adding that she would prepare for her trip to Iraq by taking shooting lessons with her security guard"

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No, not Paris...

Paris wants babies, and soon

My favourite quote (and there were MANY to choose from): "I have a lot of beautiful animals that I look after and I feel that I would have a lot to give to my children".

You know that the reporter did somersaults on the inside when he/she got that little gem.

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Debarking up the wrong tree

Rogue vet debarks neighbour's puppy

I think the wackiest quote is this one:

"it is the barking at nothing that can be like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. I have made progress recently and have been more able to tune out the barking."

Ummm... so, I'm thinking perhaps "veterinarian" is the wrong profession for someone who has such an adverse reaction to barking? Wonder what happens when he's in the office? Or is debarking a standard part of the admittance procedure in his clinic?

Wacky.

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Britney gets a break?

Anna Nicole Smith: "Yes, I'm pregnant"

I imagine once this offspring is born Britney's kid could take a dive off the roof of a seven story building and it wouldn't make a ripple in the press ;-)

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Must be this tall to enter

Judge rules sex offender is too short for prison

"SIDNEY, Neb. - A judge said a 5-foot-1 man convicted of sexually assaulting a child was too small to survive in prison, and gave him 10 years of probation instead.

"'You are a sex offender, and you did it to a child,' [Judge Kristine Cecava] said. But, she said, 'That doesn't make you a hunter. You do not fit in that category.'"

Apparently she was worried that the offender would be "especially imperiled by prison dangers".

He's a convicted sex offender going to prison, not a toddler trying to sneak onto the "Wild Thing" at Six Flags.

I'm too flabbergasted to say anything more.

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The curves should be the other way

I was browsing some blogs and happened upon an ad for an online baby/children's store. I'm a sucker for that stuff I so clicked on it to check it out. Of course I went straight to the Baby Girl Apparel section. Which is where I came across this onsie:

Have any of you ever seen a real baby shaped like this? This manequin has more curves than I do. What baby would be able to wear this?

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Honk This, you $%^^& a$$holes

To all the west-bound 520 commuters who honked rudely at me and floored their accelerator as they passed me while I was stranded in the middle of the bridge with a flat tire and a 4-month-old in the back seat this evening:

WHAT is your PROBLEM? Did you think I wanted to be there? Did you think I had PLANNED my flat tire specifically to interfere with your friday evening commute home? Did you think I was ENJOYING myself sitting in the middle of the bridge for half an hour, in the dark, hazard lights flashing, wondering how the hell I was going to get out of this? Did you think that I sat there relishing the thought that one of you, in a fit of road rage, would ram me and my 4-month-old daughter into Lake Washington?

Thanks for your COMPASSION and PATIENCE you assholes. But then what should I expect? This is the same city where people were yelling "hurry up and jump already" to a suicide attempt on one of our bridges because they were holding up traffic a few years back. Yeah. I'm so proud to say I live here. Not.

However - I'm a firm believer that what comes around goes around. You'll get yours. Dunno where, or when, or in what form. But it'll happen. And I suspect you'll be stuck in traffic when it does.

To the police officer who escorted me off the bridge with lights flashing at the snail's pace of 5 miles an hour and got me across to safety to wait for the tow truck - thank you. To my friends who were standing by for my phone call in case I needed a ride, or just moral support while I waited for help - thank you :-). And to the tow truck driver who rescued me and Baby Girl, took us home, and got my car to a service center to be fixed in the morning - a HUGE thank you. Despite the fact that the towing gig was his "night" job and for which he's taken on extra shifts so he can buy his 9 year old daughter the christmas presents she wants (we had a lot of time to chat), he refused a tip, and asked instead that we give something extra to charity. Rest assured, we will definitely do that.

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Get a customized letter from Santa - only $9.95! Bah humbug, I say.

Every once in a while as I'm scanning my junk mail folder something catches my eye. Here's what did it for me today:

First - since when does the North Pole belong to Alaska? Last I heard Canada and Denmark were battling over ownership of Santa's homeland. But then that's just like the U.S. to stake a claim to something that doesn't belong to them.

Second - When did Santa start charging for a letter? my sister and I always woke up Christmas morning to a hand written, personal, hand delivered note from Santa. I mean, since he's making the trip anyway, and since we took the trouble to leave him cookies and some sort of alcoholic beverage and some turnips and carrots for the reindeer (I can't remember which one preferred the turnip, but I'm sure my sister will know)I think Santa only thought it right to take the time, while munching away on his snack, to write us a thank-you note. And never once, with that hand written note, was there ever an invoice for $9.95.

Third - what would be the difference between a Traditional letter and a Christian version of the letter? I actually got curious enough to click the link in the ad to find out, but alas, the URL was incorrect (or the web site no longer exists).

Finally - even if you're one of those parents who DOESN'T believe Santa really exists and think it is up to you to keep the magic alive for your child why on EARTH would you shell out $9.95 to get someone to write your child a letter in his name? Write it yourself. Geez. Isn't your child worth the few minutes it would take you to write a note? And who knows your child better to be able to make it personal?

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Not exactly a lucrative crime career?

"Grandpa Gang" locked up after armed heists (Reuters)

"... the three men, aged between 64 and 74, confessed plundering more than $1.2 million in a string of armed hold-ups..."

"...The men had admitted raiding 14 banks between 1988 and 2004..."

Ok - so I had to do the math.

$1.2 Million, over the course of 16 years is an average of $75K a year. Divide that amongst 3 men, and it's an average annual gross "salary" of $25,000.

Seems like a low return for a lot of high risk and high stress... of course, if they invested their earnings wisely (as most bank robbers are apt to do) I'm sure they have much more to show for their 16-year crime spree...

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Pet Peeve of the Day

People who schedule me for meetings that conflict with other meetings I already have on my calendar. Either

a) They aren't bothering to use the features that show my free time/busy time and scheduling me accordingly or

b) they see I have a conflict but don't care and for some reason expect me to accept anyway.

There are some legitimate circumstances under which I think it is acceptable to schedule someone for a meeting when they clearly already have a conflict. For example:

- an all day meeting with a clear agenda
- meetings with execs or partners or customers that have constrained schedules where it is not unreasonable to ask people to be flexible and accomodate.
- meetings that have a tonne of required attendees where it would otherwise be impossible to find a time of day that was free for everyone.
- meetings with folks in different time zones where it is difficult to find a time that is going to work for everyone

But that's pretty much it.

You people who do this to me over and over again - especially the ones who are scheduling me for 1:1 meetings - Do you really think you are so much more important than whatever else I could possibly have going on at that same time, that you expect me to rearrange my schedule (and in part my life) to accomodate you? Or, is it that you're lazy and apathetic and can't be bothered to take the extra few seconds to locate a time that works for both of us? Or are you just rude? Or... gasp... is it that you don't know how to use the free/busy view in the scheduling software (which is NOT an acceptable excuse where I work, btw.)

I used to use the "propose new time" feature when I'd get these conflicts, and would take the time to locate a better time when I and the meeting requester are both free. But lately my attitude has been to just decline them. If you can't be bothered to find a mutually acceptable time to meet then neither can I. After all - you're the one requesting my time, not vice versa. And if you can't be bothered to reschedule, then I know you clearly didn't really need/want to meet with me in the first place.

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Good Customer Service vs Bad Customer Service

Ok - so some of you checking out the blog yesterday might have seen my huge rant about customer service - in particular, bad customer service. And more specifically, one of my special pet peeves, Customer Service Representatives Who Interrupt You. It was only posted for a very brief time. I took it down after reading it because it was written in the heat of the moment, and came across as very holier-than-thou (because I was PISSED) and I didn't want to offend anyone out there in the customer service field who actually knows what their job is and are really good at what they do.

So I decided to take down the post, cool off, and try one last time today to contact customer service for the company with whom I was having the issue. And may I say: Wow. What a difference.

Let me first give you some background. I am trying to transfer money between two bank accounts at two different financial institutions. We'll call them Financial Institution "A" and Financial Institution "B". Financial Institution "A" provides a service, for free, that does electronic funds transfer to any bank account at any other financial institution. It seemed like the easiest way to go. I entered all the relevant information and then waited the requisite 5-8 business days for the service to be activated. On the 8th day, I checked the status, and found it was inactive. I called customer service, was transferred to a specialist, who proceeded to tell me that it would be active by the following Monday. It just hadn't been processed yet.

So Monday I checked the status again, and found it to be still inactive. So I called customer service again, was transferred to a different specialist, who proceeded to tell me the first specialist was wrong, and that the reason the service was inactive was because the service initiation transaction had been rejected by Financial Institution B, which meant that the information I had entered was incorrect. I had several issues with this response. First and foremost, the woman wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise to explain my problem. She believed she had figured out all on her own what my problem was. Whenever I tried to provide information she would cut me off or interrupt me. Second, she was dead wrong. The information I had entered was all correct. I knew this to be fact. Third, she proceeded to take an attitude with me despite my attempts to remain calm and unoffended and to give her the benefit of the doubt (maybe she was having a bad day?) and fourth, she was completely unhelpful and offered up absolutely no solutions to my problem. By the end of the call she was downright rude, and I had had enough. That's when I vented by writing my blog entry which I subsequently tore down :-)

So today I called back again. 3rd time is the charm, right? I got a different customer service rep, who transferred me to yet another specialist. I braced myself for the worst. What I got instead was a polished, professional, courteous representative who listened to my problem, asked me relevant questions, looked up my case history and summarized my issue back to me so I could be confident that he understood, provided me with a status update on their investigation of my issue, offered me a temporary solution without my having to ask ("how about I overnight a check to you for your money, at no charge, while we sort out this transfer issue?") and then thanked me for my patience while they continued to investigate why the money transfer service wouldn't activate.

Now THAT's customer service.

If at first you don't succeed, Try, try again...

It was just such a fun little story I had to share.

Man passes driving test after 272 attempts (Reuters)

The Art of the Upsell

So the tax software we used to do our own taxes this year (I will not name it because I refuse to contribute further to their revenue stream, but I'm sure you can guess it anyway because afterall - how many tax software companies are there out there) offered a special "service" whereby you could submit your tax forms to a professional tax firm (for a fee) electronically via the software application (securely of course) to have them review it and provide you with an electronic report.

As I mentioned, we owe money, and our taxes were complicated this year, and I figured it couldn't hurt to have someone do a quick review to make sure we didn't make any mistakes or miss anything, and given the timing and the relatively low fee, thought this might be the most expeditious and cost effective means of doing just that.

So I paid the fee, and submitted the forms electronically, and waited for my report.

I got the report today. Let me give you the highlights.

1) the first part was most definitely "form letter" material - "Your tax return contains a lot of information about you... we have analyzed your return and have found the following profile... if any of the following statements are not true, you may need to make corrections to your tax return" and it proceeded to regurgitate a bunch of information back at us that I had filled out about us, our employment, our income sources, our deductions, etc. Basically the same stuff that the tax software asked us with answers in plain english. Duh - that was helpful and a good use of our money. Not.

2) The end of the report had an "overall assessment" section in which it stated "Based on the information you provided, your reviewer has identified significant problems in this return. Do not file this return until you have carefully reviewed all of the issues within this report and made the appropriate adjustments. You may want to consider purchasing the unlimited telephone consultation service described at the end of this report".

Ack! Significant problems! Oh my god! Panic! Panic! What to do? Oh wait - they're offering a solution (for a fee)! Must sign up for unlimited telephone service! Now!

Yeah. I wasn't born yesterday.

It isn't about the money they make from getting you to buy a "professional tax review and report". It's about the ADDITIONAL SERVICES they make you believe you need as a result of that report so they can suck more cash out of you. No way. I ain't buyin'.

On the plus side, the report did point out a few errors we had made - a couple of which I easily corrected on my own, and a big one that I didn't fully understand but that a friend of ours (THANKS CHRIS!!!) explained and helped us correct that ended up saving us a nice chunk of change! So the initial investment in the report was money well spent... but they still didn't suck me into their real upsell, which was the unlimited phone support :-) Still you gotta give them some kind of credit for having an approach that probably does actually generate a lot of business for them... the "put the fear of god (and the IRS) into you" upsell pitch for additional services.

Hey - that reminds me of the time when Rich, a friend of ours and my boss at the time, made me believe I was going to jail because I forgot to file my US taxes (Sorry Rich - you know I have to bring it up every year at this time... it is a great story ;-))...

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Need a little direction?

In this day and age, when every business runs on computers and has access to the internet and wonderful little sites like MSN Mappoint, WHY should I have to provide directions to a driver from some place I've never been, in some location I am not familiar with, to my location to pick me up? I'm not talking about just some landmark to help facilitate finding our place. I'm talking about full on directions from Point A (a location unbeknownst to me) to Point B (where I am).

Why?

I don't know where you're starting from. Why are you asking ME for directions? I'm paying YOU to come pick me up!

Me: Hi - I made reservations online and was told to call in the morning to arrange for someone to pick me up.

Car Rental Person: What's your address?

Me: [provided address]

Car Rental person: Ok. And how do we get there?

Me: I don't know. Where are you?

Car Rental person: [provides location]

Me: I have no idea where that is. Never been in that neighbourhood.

About 10 minutes later we figure out what I believe to be a common landmark (I think we were talking about the same intersection), and I think I provide him with directions to our house from there.

I do this with taxis, and pizza delivery people too. Why should I have to? All I have is their phone number. I have no clue where they are at.

The driver should be here in about 15 or 20 minutes. Provided he doesn't get lost.

Doesn't anyone review this stuff?

I have my home page in my browser set to msn.com. I noticed when I went there today that they are advertising a sneak preview of "The new MSN.com". The tagline in the ad, which is set against a blue background, is

Fast. Clear. Easy.

Is it just me, or does that sound more like an advertisement for a home pregnancy test?

How NOT to instill confidence as a medical professional

So... I went to the dr today to see about getting some immunizations. The travel advisory for France that I got from my travel agent at work "highly recommends" Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, tetanus, and flu vaccine (and of course the standard vaccines one gets as a child).

I took care of the flu shot last week. However for the rest... a) I don't know what I already have and b) I'm pregnant so if there's any I am missing, I wanted to know whether it was safe to get them. So when I was at the dr last week for the flu shot, I had the nurse practitioner check my file. But she couldn't find any record of any immunizations (duh... I never brought any medical records from canada 10 years ago) so she scheduled an appt for me with my doctor to find out what I should get.

Anyway - I'm sitting in the dr's office with a thermometer in my mouth and a blood pressure cuff on my arm playing 20 questions with her assistant - the standard stuff... where are you going, for how long, etc etc. (Generally I would think it's better to limit your questions to the yes or no variety when the patient has a thermometer in her mouth, but what do I know). I'm convinced these assistants are just really filling time for the doctor to arrive because generally the doctor ends up asking me the same questions. Although my doctor is much more chipper and knowledgeable about it all (If you get to choose your doctor, choose a young one. They are idealistic and hopeful and still believe they became doctors to actually help people).

So during the course of our little banter ("Where are you going?"..."Wance"... "For how long?"... "Aye gays"...) the assistant asks me "Well, did you get the flu shot before you were pregnant?"

No... that's when they had the big shortage... "No", I replied, "I got it last week" (she had removed the thermometer at this point).

"Last week? Really? Is it safe to get the flu shot while you're pregnant?"

Uh - lady, I took one semester of college biology 15 years ago and barely scraped by with a C. You're the one ASSISTING THE DOCTOR. You're the one taking my temperature, my blood pressure, my medical history.

"Well gosh - I sure hope so. When I told the nurse last week that I was pregnant she said 'Congratulations!' and then stabbed me in the shoulder with the needle".

"Oh! That's great!" was her reply.

Thankfully the doctor arrived moments later.

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Cupcake Decorating

It's amazing what passes for entertainment news these days :-)

Stewart Loses Contest in Prison (Associated Press)

C'mon Martha - paper cranes from the ceiling? That's the best you could do with $25 worth of glitter, ribbons, construction paper and glue? Prison has been hard on you dear!

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All I want for Christmas is a place to rest my weary head

But I was thinking more along the lines of a nice soft pillow at my folks' place, not something like this (found on msnbc.com):

Japanese 'lap pillow' offers solace to lonely men

But then - I'm not a lonely man ;-)

I especially like this quote:

"Care was taken with details such as the softness of the thighs, panty lines on the pillow�s 'backside' and wrinkles in the lap of the skirt so as to make the pillow look and feel as real as possible."

I also like that it comes with two different coloured skirts. It's important to have options.

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"It�s like a scud missile, for crying out loud"

Came across an article on the online "Milwaukee Magazine" about a rather revealing photo taken of V.P. Dick Cheney:

http://www.milwaukeemagazine.com/122004/pressroom.html

I gotta try me some of that custard!

Well - we couldn't find the photo being referenced to gauge for ourselves just exactly how "big" his assets are but Tim did find these photos instead:

So - which is it Dick? A foot or a couple of inches?

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All I require from you is Your Banking Particulars

Yeah. Uh huh. Just what kind of idiot do they think I am?

So - I received the below scam in my inbox this morning. It is quite pathetic despite the scamster's rather lame attempt to "personalize" it by giving his client the same last name as my maiden name. Like that gives it some legitimacy.

It is most unconvincing. Even to the untrained eye:

- What lawyer is going to use a TUSCALI.FR and a YAHOO account for official correspondences?

- How in the world did a person with such horrid English grammar ever end up as a lawyer? Even one for whom English is a second language? I have to believe a real lawyer whose first language wasn't English would have had the letter professionally translated and edited before sending to an English-first-language audience. What is with all the wacky and random capitalization? And those commas? (Don't get my sister started on proper comma usage!) C'mon people. Attention to detail.

- And who in their right mind would ask someone to send them such personal information via email?

Anyway - here is the letter (names have been removed but the rest, including the grammar and formatting, is unedited)

From: [removed]@tiscali.fr [mailto:[removed]@tiscali.fr]
Sent: Friday, November 12, 2004 6:27 AM
To: [removed]
Subject: NEXT OF KIN TO LATE ENGR.MICHAEL [removed].

PLEASE CONTACT ME VIA MY ALTERNATIVE EMAIL:[removed]@yahoo.co.uk
[removed] CHAMBER
{Solicitor $ Advocate}
12 Norman Williams,
Ikoyi, Lagos-Nigeria.

Dear Friend,
I believe, the innermost drive in me usually propelled by unseen and rather, benevolent forces must have inspired me to send this email to you. But nevertheless, I am sorry for the necessity to write you and to become maybe bothersome.It is in the search of a trustworthy exclusive partner to transact a deal with, that I came across your contact address.

I am Barrister [removed], I am the
Personal Attorney to Engr.Michael [removed],a national of Your
country, who used to work with Chevron Company
in Nigeria.
On the 21st of April 2002, my client, his wife and
Their three children were involved in a car accident
Along Sagamu/Lagos Express Road. Unfortunately they All
Lost their lives in the event of the accident, since
Then I have made several enquiries to your Embassy to
Locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has
also proved unsuccessful.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to
trace his Relatives over the Internet, to locate any
member of His family but to no avail, hence I contacted
you.
I contacted you to assist in repatriating the money In
addition, property left behind by my client before they
get Confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank
Where this huge deposits were lodged. Particularly, the
Bank where the deceased had an account valued at about
US$10Million Dollars.
Consequently, The bank issued me a notice to
provide The next of kin or have the account confiscated The
next ten
official working days. Since I have been Unsuccessful in
locating the the relatives For over 1 year now I seek
your consent to present You as the next of kin of the
deceased since you are From the same country, So that
the proceeds of this account valued at US$10Million
dollars can be paid to you and then you and me Can
share the money. 60% to me and 30% to you, while 10%
Should be for expenses or taxes your Government may
Require.I have all the necessary legal documents that
can be used to back up any claim we may make.
All I require from you is Your Telephone and Fax
Number,Home address,Banking particulars, these will be used
to obtain an Application of Claim from the bank, your
honest cooperation will be
needed to enable us see this deal Through. I guarantee
that this will be executed under A legitimate
arrangement that will protect you from Any breach of
the law. Please your urgent respond is needed to this
matter, as I will advice you contact me by my Email address
to discuss further.
Best Regards,
BARR.[removed](Esq)
PLEASE CONTACT ME VIA MY ALTERNATIVE EMAIL:[removed]@yahoo.co.uk

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Surfez 40 fois plus vite pour 30EUR/mois seulement ! Et t�l�phonez partout en France gratuitement,
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Pour profiter de cette offre exceptionnelle, cliquez ici : http://register.tiscali.fr/adsl (voir conditions sur le site)

Comments

Still searching

If you frequent msn.com as I do (it is set as my home page so I see it every time I launch Internet Explorer) you will notice that down near the bottom there is a little module entitled "Popular Searches" where the top 5 searches performed on MSN are listed. You can generally tell what's been in the news (especially the entertainment news)that day based on what the top 5 searches are. Today is a big Julia Roberts and hubby day. Listed along side these top 5 searches are some "suggested searches". This list seemingly changes with more frequency than the top 5. So just where do these "suggested searches" come from? They're not the top search strings. They are seemingly random. Does someone come up with these? Or is there some program that randomly selects words and phrases from various dictionaries? Why would anyone be interested in any of these suggested searches? If it's all about ad revenue, does it actually work - do people actually click on these? "Oooh. MSN suggested I search on 'air purifier'... let me go do that right now!"

So - the reason for this entry? Because on my last visit, MSN's "Suggested Searches" were:

There seemed to be a theme here(at least in my twisted brain). The makings of a real interesting Jerry Springer episode:

- Structured Settlement
- DNA Testing
- Costa Rica

These might be relevant to me if I was a scorned husband who suspected my darling wife and mother-to-be to be carrying on an illicit love affair. But how many of those are there out there, really? I guess I need to watch more Springer.

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I want a #8, regular size, with bbq sauce and lemonade! To go! $%@@*#!

Me (In Wendy's at 2pm, having missed my usual 11:30 lunch time due to meetings all morning): Hi - I'd like a #8, regular size, with lemonade and bbq sauce to go, please.

Moron behind the counter: Hi - can I help you?

Me: Umm... yes... I'd like a #8, with bbq sauce, lemonade, regular size, to go.

Moron: Is that for here or to go?

Me: That would be... to go.

Moron: Sauce?

Me: Oh... let's see... how about bbq.

Moron: Was that Coke or Diet Coke?

Me: Lemonade.

Moron: Do you want that all biggie-sized?

Me: Regular. Size.

Moron: That'll be $5.10.

After that painful exchange I was actually hoping he'd give me the wrong food because that'd just make my day. But I did get a #8, with lemonade, bbq sauce, regular size all in a nice paper bag. Lucky for him.

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Donald Trump does NOT hold the patent for the "combover"

Just a wacky piece of trivia I came across during my daily browse of MSN.com while eating lunch.

In an article by David Becker, Staffwriter, CNET News.com, discussing the 2004 "Ig Nobel" prizes:

"the comb-over is the intellectual property of Frank and Donald Smith of Orlando, Fla. The two received U.S. Patent 4,022,227 for 'a method of styling hair to cover partial baldness using only the hair on a person's head. The hair styling requires dividing a person's hair into three sections and carefully folding one section over another."'

Wacky.

Check out the full article for the rest of the "Ig Nobel" prize winners :-)

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But I'm not soliciting...

Twice in the last two days, we have been interrupted by solicitors knocking on the door. We have a big red sign on our door that says "NO SOLICITORS". But they knock anyway.

The first was last night during dinner. Tim hates dealing with them so I go to the door. It's pouring rain outside and there's a guy on our doorstep soaking wet. Keeping the summer door closed, I ask through the glass "What can I do for you?" Thinking it is possible he has car trouble or is locked out of his house. I'll give anyone the benefit of the doubt once. He says "I'm with an oil change company that is coming to your neigh..." and that's when I cut him off. Pointing to the big red sign I say, "No solicitors". "I get it - I really do" he says. "Then why are you still standing here?" I ask. "I'm not - see I'm on my way" he replies and sure enough starts turning to go, but as he's walking away he's yelling back at me "$6.00 oil changes - it's a great deal! Think about it".

The second was just this morning. Tim's gone to work Farm Aid today, so it's just me and the puppies and kitties. Door bell rings, so I go to the door and ask my usual "What can I do for you?" He says "I'm with Statewide Energy Services". I point to the big red sign. "No Soliciting". He says "I'm not a solicitor". I say "How's that?" He says "We're coming to your neighbourhood to do a free evaluation of the energy efficiency of your windows and..." I cut him off with, "You're soliciting. Not interested. But Thanks". He keeps talking! So I close the door on him. As I walk away, I look back and see him still standing there talking. Amazing.

I give credit to the first guy for at least recognizing the fact he was soliciting. The 2nd guy is what prompted me to tape the following sign up on our front door above the big red sign. Now - I doubt anyone will actually read it, but it amused me to create it, and that's all that really matters.

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