Bringing Up Bobbin

At the theatre to see Wall-e

We didn't end up staying long due to two hurdles. The first was eventually overcome; the second was the one that ended up driving us out.

The first issue was Bobbin's aversion to peeing in public restrooms. On the surface, it actually seems kinda normal and sane. Public restrooms can be putrid petri dishes of disease waiting to happen. For the most part, at least for the places we frequent, they are not. But that is not what fuels Bobbin fear. What Bobbin dislikes is the noise. Public toilets are in general noisier than private residential toilets. And there is an increasing trend in public restrooms to install the automagically flushing toilet which is supposed to detect via infrared when you have lifted your tushy from the seat and flush only when the "coast is clear" so to speak, but in reality flushes anytime you move out of the infrared eye's line of sight, regardless of whether you're still sitting on the thing or not. You can imagine that to a preschooler with an already-established fear of public toilet noise, the sudden flushing noise and swirl of water directly beneath your bottom can be pretty unsettling. Emotionally scarring, even. But this evening we came up with a system, which worked mostly because she really needed to pee and I was able to convince her she couldn't hold it long enough to get home. I brokered a deal with her. I first pointed out that the toilets were manual flush. No magic. I sat on it myself and pointed out the little metal handle, Vanna-style. I then proposed the plan: She would go potty in the toilet and then she would put herself back together and go stand waaaaaaay over by the sinks. When she got waaaaaay over by the sinks she was to call back to me "Mommy, I'm waaaaaay over by the sinks. You can flush now". I would wait for this signal and then and only then would I flush the toilet. Then we would wash our hands together and exit the restroom area.

She pondered silently and then nodded agreement, and we executed flawlessly. Mission accomplished! We even high-fived on the way out the door.

The second hurdle however, was not to be overcome and truth be told I was ok with that. Despite the movie's G-rating, there were a few too many explosions in the initial scenes for Bobbin's liking. She didn't like the loud noise, but I actually didn't relish the thought of having to explain the explosions, which were in fact caused by Wall-e's robot love interest pointing and shooting her built-in rocket-gun at anything that moved. So after a couple of these scenes Bobbin asked to go home, I quickly agreed and we left, headed for the bookstore where I let her pick out two books and a $5 pink poodle for her mastery of the public toilets.

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Harnessing the power and adreneline of emotion

Ever wonder what anger and moral outrage is worth? An hours worth is approximately 80 calories, I've discovered.

I did my usual 60 minute workout this evening on the elliptical. I've been averaging about 580 calories per 1 hour workout. Normally I watch The Daily Show followed by The Colbert Report. It's an easy hour filled with laughs and a pleasant way to work up a sweat and burn 580 calories without really noticing it too much.

Today, however, is Saturday. And neither show airs on the weekend. So I found myself surfing through the channel guide and landing on The Lifetime channel, watching a teen angst movie called "Odd Girl Out". Yeah, it's about exactly what you think it is about. Mean girls singling out the quirky and smart girl (on tv they're always cute too; totally unfair); completely ostracizing her by posting crap on the internet, luring her to fake events and then video taping her disappointed face, and eventually driving her to attempt suicide by sleeping pill overdose. It's a Lifetime movie, so it has a... uh... "happy" ending, in that the odd girl out recovers and regains the mental strength to go back to school to graduate from 8th grade with her class despite the continued mental and emotional bullying, and at the end in a crowd full of her peers, she finally confronts the main instigator and equates her to a flesh eating disease, ending the movie with the line " You have nothing I want", and walking away triumphantly with the one friend that stuck by her through everything (well, the last 15 minutes of the movie anyway; she never made an appearance in the first 45 minutes I watched. Weird. well. not really).

I ran the gambit of emotions - recalling my own pre-teen angst in grades 6-8 in particular and the constant insecurity I still maintained through high school and even university to some extent. I thought of Bobbin, today only 2 1/2 years old but someday having to run the marathon obstacle course that is middle and high school and hoping like hell she has a better time of it than I did, and is a better and strong person than I was, and that she is spared the pain and self doubt that I suffered through it all. And I was angry. Angry at the characters in the movie, even though I recognized the movie for what it was, and at the people in my real life back in middle and high school that I could cast in those same roles. And disgust and moral outrage that this crap continues in perpetuity. Lessons are never learned. Things never change. And worry because now there' s the internet, mobile text messaging, multi-party conference calling, instant video and photo uploads and mobile blogging (many technologies I am helping to sustain in the daily work I am paid to do), online "social networks", a PC on every desk and a mobile phone in every pocket, and a myriad of other "advances" that can do so much greater damage than the note passing and wall graffiti and prank calls of my youth. And how are you supposed to combat that?

And before I knew it my workout was over, and I had burned a total of 630 calories. And I was still raring to go. Luckily, the movie had another 5 minutes left so I moved over to the stationary bike and burned another 30 watching the grand finale.

It's apparently Teen Drama Weekend on the Lifetime channel. An opportunity exists for me to burn another 80 extra calories tomorrow. Of course, there's the question of whether it is mentally healthy to expose one's self to this much teen angst even if you are burning off the extra energy as you do so.

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The Great Stork Derby

I was visiting www.snopes.com for an entirely different reason but learned that there is an entire section there devoted to Pregnancy urban legends. So of course, I had to check it out :-)

Most of the pregnancy stories ("girl gives birth to [insert noun here]") are predictably false, and I'd heard almost all of them before a million times, but this one was new to me and is actually true:

Lawyer leaves his estate to woman who gives birth to the most babies within a ten-year period.

It's such a great story I just had to share it. So here, for your entertainment, I bring you The Great Stork Derby.

As I was reading this, the thought "this sounds like a perfect plot for a made-for-tv-movie" came to mind several times.

As it turns out, It was released on Canadian TV in 2002. As is standard for any Canadian movie, especially made-for-TV ones, it stars Megan Follows, a.k.a "Anne of Green Gables".

I'll have to check it out at some point, but I think a better movie would focus on the life of the man himself and also some of the other odd bequests that were contained within his will. He had to have been quite an eccentric and interesting character!

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Six Hundred and Eight Minutes...

That is how much time it took to watch all 3 Lord of the Ring movies (the Return of the King was the special extended version :-)). Actually - that is the total feature runtime - it actually took a lot longer if you factor in the pauses for bathroom breaks (and water breaks, and meal breaks, and sleep breaks since I didn't actually watch all 3 in one sitting; I was smart enough to spread the viewing over 2 days ;-)).

608 minutes. That's 10.13 hours. 10.13 hours. The extended DVD edition of the Return of the King was 251 minutes alone (50 minutes longer than the regular version).

I hadn't seen any of the movies before this weekend - for some reason or other always missing the team morale event where these were shown, or the "LOTR" house parties, etc. I've been really wanting to see them - I've always loved the books, and these movies are right up my alley. So I decided this weekend would be the one.

Great movies, all of them. Beautiful. Glad I watched them. But have to say am equally glad to have them behind me now so I can move on with the rest of my life ;-)

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Chaos Theory on Friday Nights

The Butterfly Effect: The assertion that "if chaos theory is true, a single flap of a single seagull's wings would be enough to change the course of all future weather systems on the earth", first put forth by meteorologist Edward Lorenz in the early 1960s. More simply put: "Does the Flap of a Butterfly's Wings in Brazil set off a Tornado in Texas?"

Last night was MY movie night. For those of you who don't know, a number of us get together every Friday night and we each take turns bringing a movie. The rules are simple: You can't tell anyone what you've brought, and you can't walk out on your own movie (unless it is a unanimous group walk-out. New rule, created last night. Read on). Friday Nights started out originally as X-Files night, but during the summer rerun season, we switched to bringing movies. I am a relative newcomer to the Friday Night festivities, and I've been a part of it for.. gosh... I think it's been at least 8 years now. Maybe 9. Friday Nights are not just tradition for us all - they are a necessary part of life. Our Friday Nights preserve my sanity and restore my faith in the world. Friday Nights. Good friends, good food, good conversation and go...um, diverse movies. Guaranteed.

Anyway, last night was MY Friday Night movie, as I mentioned. I had received many excellent suggestions from Sarah, as well as from Tim. And I had all of these in mind as I was heading to the local Blockbuster Video. But before bee-lining for one of those options, I purused the New Releases section. Just in case I had missed something.

I was standing in front of the New Releases with two selections - one in each hand. I must have looked either thoughtful or confused because one of the nice red-smock-wearing Blockbuster employees came up to me and asked "May I help you with your selection?" I proceeded to show her the two movies I had chosen and explained I was having trouble deciding between them. She glanced at my choices and with an excited gasp grabbed the one from my right hand and exclaimed "Oh - I OWN this one! It is excellent. I would DEFINITELY go with this one". And that was the movie I chose.

On to the festivities. Wonderful food by Dave as usual. A beef sausage pot pie. Originally advertised as chicken pot pie in his friday night e-mail sent earlier that day. But we're an adaptable crowd, and it was most excellent with sausage. Everything Dave cooks is excellent. Pot pie was followed by Brownies a la Vinnie. I can't eat brownies - the old chocolate-gives-me-migraines story - but I smelled them. Smelling chocolate doesn't give me migraines. So as a former chocoholic going on 5 years of a self-induced chocolate-free diet, I have learned to satisfy my cravings by smelling the chocolate instead. And lucky for me, I have good and tolerant friends and a husband who indulge me without (too much) mockery. "Oooh - Brownies! Can I smell them?" (big whiff) "Mmmmm. Tasty". I don't do it if I have a cold. Anyway - Vince had tried an alternative recipe this time and lets just say he'll be bringing "makeup" brownies for the gang next week.

So - bellies full, we headed down to the basement movie viewing area. Everyone settled into their spots, and I popped my movie into the DVD player.

Yes - my selection was "The Butterfly Effect". For those of you who have seen it and know what we were in for, in my (rather lame, I know) defense - I do NOT read movie reviews (too often I've found I've disagreed with them so I find them of little to no value), and it was highly endorsed by the red-smock-wearing Blockbuster employee. PLUS I remembered seeing a 15-second ad on TV when the movie first came out thinking "Oooh - that looks promising; what an interesting premise" so I didn't think I could really go too wrong with my choice.

I went horribly wrong with my choice.

If anyone out there hasn't seen it and still wants to then I am warning you now, I'm about to give away the first 25 minutes (24 minutes and 56 seconds to be exact). I can't give away more, because that is all we saw.

The first 24 minutes and 56 seconds of the film, consisted of:

- A clearly troubled boy who was prone to blacking out and drawing detailed and grisly murder scenes with crayons

- Same boy holding a large butcher knife in the kitchen during one of these blackout episodes, scaring his mother (and us) half to death

- Same boy being sexually molested by a neighbourhood dad (who was also sexually molesting his own children)

- Boy meeting his crazy father in the insane asylum, being strangled by said father in the first 5 minutes of their meeting, and then watching said father being beaten to death by the asylum guards,and then falling dead at his feet with a pool of blood emanating from his head spreading rapidly across the floor towards him

- Boy, older now, with his friends (the same ones who were molested with him - brother and sister, they were) blowing up a mailbox that resulted in the death of innocent passersby

- Boy's friend (one of the molested)beating the #$%* out of a complete stranger at a movie theater, bludgeoning him with a metal pole to within an inch of his life it seemed, after catching boy kissing his sister

But that is not the worst of it. The coup de grace (pun not intended) was the same "friend" capturing boy's dog, throwing him in a sack and (I'm speculating from here because at this point I was underneath my blanket with my eyes closed and my ears covered whimpering "no no no nono... oh no... oh no" but based on the conversations post movies, this is what I gathered I was missing) hoisting said dog on a spit and roasting it over a fire.

That was the point at which we all decided we needed to see no more of this. For the first time in Friday Night history, the movie was stopped and ejected.

And we all just sat there in the dark for a while. Finally, after chatting sufficiently about the multiple ways in which this movie sucked to have cleansed it (mostly) from our systems, we slowly got up and went about the business of going home.

When I got home, I had to leave the movie in my car over night. I didn't want it in our house.

Interesting note: IMDB gives the movie 7.5 out of 10 stars. So even if I did check reviews - that would probably have been my source. And it too would have led me astray.

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